Libra
by Razer Athane
Summary: As the last of the world's order crumbled away beneath a black wing that promised to extinguish all light, a judged Reno still dared to hope. And as broken and unbalanced as he was, he would fight to see the sun again.
1. prologue

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Final Fantasy VII or anything related to it.

Author's Note: I'll be honest - I never thought I'd do a Final Fantasy multi-chap, and yet here I am, with what I consider one of my favourite works with one of my favourite characters. Please note that I have focused heavily on the cynical side of Reno, as we saw in the western release of Final Fantasy VII. This is sort of AU, set two years after the initial game, but with a different end. Enjoy!

* * *

**LIBRA**

* * *

_**prologue.**_

Everything was different nowadays, but it continued to be a reflection of the past.

People did not fear Shinra. They did not hide under the plates and wonder when it was their time. They did not shut the blinds and try to hold onto the last of their money, the last of their power. They did not turn a blind eye to the crimes against the Planet, because they never existed – or so they were fed to believe.

'_The company cares for all citizens,' _the mantra drilled into the hopeless' heads.

'_You take no one alive and protect the company's interests,' _the mantra forced upon their slaves.

Instead, people feared _him._ The one that did not lie like Shinra did – no, Sephiroth had learnt well that _fear_ was the way to control the masses. That fear would get him where he wanted to go. That fear would remind the people that he's the greatest SOLDIER to have existed, and that he would sail terrorise the planet until he could use it as his vessel.

The last of the world's order crumbled away beneath a black wing.

Cloud and his friends succeeded in preventing meteor, but failed in taking down Sephiroth. Most of AVALANCHE fell afterward. Sephiroth used this as a testament to his power, a reminder to the people that if they dared tried to hope, even for one second, he would know, and he would end it. That if another group rose from the ashes, he would eliminate them just as quickly and painfully. That all light would be extinguished.

Well, Reno still dared to hope.

Even in his failure to murder and to protect the company's interests, he still hoped that one day, maybe one day, another prodigy would rise and strike down the darkness. That the light would rip through the now permanently greyed sky, and that the sun would gently reach the frayed edges of some of the sectors.

A breath too strong, a breath too much, and he choked. He glared at the cigarette as though it had something against him and then tossed it to the ground, stomping on it in vengeance. As he surveyed the rest of the sector, tapping his electro-mag rod over his shoulders, he wondered if the sun even hit this place long ago. Given the lack of greenery, he supposed not.

A smirk formed upon his pale, dirty face for a fraction of a second. Up ahead, he found his target. The target was completely clueless, much too young to really understand how dangerous the world could be, but too old to listen. He wore his pride on his sleeve, and it was about to be stolen away, as though it were a treasure. And as he watched quietly, Reno heard that single, droning, high-pitched ring in his head again.

Slouching, Reno approached the kid and began to walk along side him, getting an annoyed glance in return. He began to make light conversation, as though he had no motives, no nothing – as though there were still good people in the world somewhere. But he knew that there weren't, "Your skin's really white, yo. Tell me, did you ever see the sun?"

The boy furrowed his eyebrows, and the sharp intensity of the annoyed glare grew tenfold. His teeth pushed together as sound squeezed out from the cracks between them, "Only a few times. I don't remember the feeling very well."

A crooked grin then formed when the kid realised that Reno was no longer beside him. He turned on his heel and found the man in the raggedy suit, but he could only see him for a few seconds. Reno struck him with his rod across the head, sending him to the ground right after. Not an ounce of remorse surfaced as he rummaged through the kid's pockets and took every piece of gil that he could locate.

The ringing continued as he took a few steps away. And then, he couldn't help himself. He felt the pain of two years boil up and shake his insides, until he caved in and kicked the teen square in the stomach, sending him a few paces back. He went to repeat the action on the youth's head until he realised that a few stray people were approaching, so he went back the way he came, through the dishevelled and abandoned houses, way away until he was back on a main street.

Reno was nothing anymore. He had no purpose other than to wander, like a dead leaf in the wind. Sephiroth had no need for Turks or even SOLDIER – he gave both the opportunity to turn towards him, and both, sparring perhaps two SOLDIERs, turned away in disgust. And as they walked out, they were hunted. Rufus was held down during the ordeal. He saw Tseng and Elena die. Rude was killed right before he made it out of the door.

Without Rude, nobody was there to tell him to... stop.

For law enforcement in the new city of Edge, an extension of its sister city of Midgar, Sephiroth used his army of remnants beneath their large plates. They cared not for trouble amongst the broken, only keeping an eye out for any hints of rebellion. There was no such thing as police, as law – only tyranny. And as former law enforcement personnel, with no home, no job, no friends, what's a Turk to do?

_Be angry,_ he reminded himself, because that was all he had left,_ Lash out and hide and hurt because we _all_ failed._

He had already tottered between sanity and insanity like scales, ever since he had been moulded into the job he once adored. The first step to being a Turk was to wear an iron mask at all times. To let no story sway one away from the task, away from the defence of the Shinra Electric Power Company or away from any other tasks. No matter how much you felt like breaking inside, the cracks were to be mended in the blink of an eye.

The second step to being a Turk was to go mad. To be ruthless and cruel, yet efficient in every task that was to be given. That damn ringing noise got him going down the path pretty fast, if only to hide.

Murder got much easier after the first few times. It didn't matter if the target had breasts or could barely walk. Their faces used to haunt him, but now, they were nothing. A distant memory, somewhere back when things were better and when the reality way back when was a little kinder.

The final step was to never look back. And even now, when given the opportunity, he wouldn't. He couldn't. He needed it to survive.

The noise became sharper, higher as he wandered. He counted the gil he had stolen before pocketing it and resuming his trademark slouch. He stopped on a street corner and looked to the food stand that boasted a long line of people waiting for the slop in the bowl. Judging by the way the damn thing slid into the metal confinements, he'd rather starve today than eat... well, whatever that was.

A fight broke out in the line. Something about being too costly, or taking another's money. Something else soon followed about cutting in, and the entire line was in a ruckus, sparing the children's blank, confused faced. The smirk resurfaced as he watched them like the animals they were, as the thrill of fighting beckoned him to join, for it was the only life he could still savour like he did in the twilight of yesterday.

Reno approached and wondered if the sun had set yet.


	2. he who laughs

Author's Note: Whoa, thank you for your support so far. I didn't expect to get beyond two reviews, but I'm glad that there are people who are interested!

* * *

_**i. he who laughs**_

* * *

Glass shattered.

Tifa thought she was seeing things when the man passed her street and gazed almost fondly at the dilapidated sign that hung haphazardly above the door. Her eyes followed the figure as he passed, finally out of the window's quiet stare.

Marlene looked up to the woman and watched as she put the towel and what remained of her glass on the counter, tip-toe around the issue and go to the front door. She had not seen Tifa act in such a manner in almost two years. Even when Cid and Yuffie, the only other two survivors from AVALANCHE, rocked up on her door step, there was not such a large reaction. A smile, but not such... shock.

Tifa still dared to hope.

She threw the door open and watched as the man in the suit turned around the corner and was swallowed by the alleyway. She followed swiftly, and when she got there, the mop of red hair curtained over his sky blue eyes. The freckles still adorned his face, but they were much more faded than when she had last viewed them in the Midgar raid.

"Figured you'd see me," he merely said, a grin and a chuckle rising from behind the red.

Tifa's face remained blank, though her eyes were judgemental, "Reno."

"Out to kill me too?" he asked.

She quirked an eyebrow before leaning against the wall, folding her arms, a 'no' following. She watched him for a while as he fiddled around with his rod, and judging by the state of his uniform, he had not seen a good home in a long while. He turned the rod in his hands, noting with distaste the blood stains he was yet to try and clean and the scars on the metal.

Tifa had never noticed such intricacies before. Even after he was done fiddling with the weapon, he was tugging at his sleeves, burying his nails into the palm of his very white hands, chuckling a little at nothing and wiping the mud off his boots with a lick of his thumb. Something didn't feel... right.

And then she queried, "Where's Rude?"

"They're all dead, yo."

The way he said it was surprisingly blasé. They were his friends. When Tifa lost her own, she grieved. She wondered if Reno did, or if he simply picked himself up and moved on. Even as he ripped off one of the buttons on his cuff sleeve and threw it at the pavement to entertain himself. A dry laugh followed as it bounced and rolled away.

Tifa tucked some of her hair behind her ear and watched as the button stopped by her feet for a fleeting moment. She then pressed gingerly, "And what of you?"

Reno stood to his feet, and for the first time, she truly saw his eyes. There was practically nothing. There was no spark to fight, no will to live – but there in the corner, she could still identify hope. He hoped as much as she did, but he did not have the strength in any sense to try. He was broken, and he seemed completely _amused_ by it.

"Somewhere in between," he replied, moving so that he stood beside her and gazed out into the street. He was surprised that she remained at the Seventh Heaven – surely Sephiroth would've found the remnants of AVALANCHE and killed them by now. Or, maybe he was waiting for a challenge.

There was silence. Taking that as his cue to leave, Reno began to walk once more, his eyes following the vague shadows cast by the buildings around him. The last sense of order that he could really see – that the shadows would never leave beneath the neon lights.

"Do you long for the sun?" Tifa asked, staring at the space that she had found him.

There was no response. Reno merely laughed, even as he stumbled over a bottle and continued on his merry way.

* * *

She saw him again a few days later in a different area.

He was people watching as though it were a sport. His eyes would wander over a pretty lady, and then scoff at the man trying to catch her attention with meaningless items. She could've sworn that he was making commentary to himself at one point, even as she shuffled the grocery bags in her arms and continued on her way.

The way his eyes sparked whenever a fight was ready to break out concerned her for a moment, but Tifa ignored it. He had shown no consideration for her in the past, so why should she? Even if he seemed... off... wrong... different... it was none of her concern. Her concern was Marlene, Cid, Yuffie and herself. Reno was a bad man.

And that was it, she affirmed as she handed over the last of her money to the shopkeeper.

Food wasn't a rarity, but it was becoming very costly. The farms outside of Edge and Midgar were not producing as many crops as they used to due to the lack of sun, and as a result, the money to purchase the goods was becoming increasingly high. She didn't have much, but she could see the way that strangers eyed her two bags as though they contained nothing but gold.

Tifa did not feel safe here anymore. She could hold her own in a fight still, against however many, but whatever sense of security she once had in this place, in this world was stripped from her the moment she lost her friends. Two years on, she still wished she had been strong enough in her heart to at least say something before –

"What's in your bags?" someone from the side queried.

"How much food does one girl need?" another hissed, a woman this time.

Her face remained blank, because that was the best way to stay safe here. She brought the bags closer to her body and tightened her grip on them, because she was not about to let her hard-earned food be snatched away by scavenging nobodies. She felt pity for them, but she knew that if they really tried or cared enough to rise up from these pits, they could get out.

She wanted to get out. She wanted the world to change. That's why she still dared to hope.

They did not harass her again as she left the shopping area and made her way back to the Seventh Heaven; but when Tifa finally looked over her shoulder to see how far she had come, she couldn't see that mop of red hair leaning against the wall. The one sense of normalcy in this wannabe-Midgar had disappeared into the darkness, as he always did.

The loss of that familiarity made her vaguely frown, because outside of the Seventh Heaven and its residents, Reno was all she knew anymore amongst this dying wonderland, no matter where his allegiance truly rested.

* * *

Somewhere in between the darkness and would-be dawn, she found him sitting at the doorstep. He was curled up against the wall, asleep, and in a terrible state.

Tifa analysed the sleeping figure. His Turk uniform was still muddy and tattered, and bloodier than she recalled. His hands were caked in a dry red, and it was particularly clear beneath his fingernails. The electro-mag rod remained firmly rooted in his hands, even as he slept. There were a few gashes on his face, but nothing she hadn't dealt to him in the past with her fists.

Even in sleep, Reno still looked deranged.

She was not one to reject those in need, but the past still made her wary and judgemental of him. He had always been sly, manipulative, cunning – he could be lying to her right now and she would be none the wiser. She was a master of care, and he was a master of deception.

Well, she wasn't going to be as trusting as she once was.

Beside his leg was an apple. Confused, she bent down and moved to pick it up curiously.

A hand darted out from the still figure, stopping her from actually grabbing the apple. She jumped when Reno's cold hand touched her skin, and as she tore it away and glared at him, noting that his eyes were still closed, the gruff remark came, "Breakfast, yo. Had to steal it last night. Didn't have anywhere to sleep, so I borrowed your steps."

"It looks rotten."

"So does your heart," he responded coldly.

That hit her where it hurt.

Glaring, she shoved him off the steps with a fast kick. It didn't seem to hurt him much, even as he picked himself up off the dirt road and dusted himself off. Stretching, he then looked to Tifa expectantly. When she realised he wanted his apple, she picked it up and hurled it at him, "Take your stupid breakfast, and don't come back here."

Reno laughed as he caught the apple and continued to an unknown destination.

She felt so paralysed with her anger that she had not heard the silent footsteps of the ninja. Yuffie was soon just behind her, watching the figure retreat into the bleary grey. She rubbed her eyes incredulously, "Was that –"

"Go inside," Tifa commanded, watching and waiting until she could not see the former Turk anymore.

* * *

He seemed to make a once-a-week trip to the Seventh Heaven in some way, despite what she had told him, and it irked Tifa.

One minute, he seemed okay. He would just pass by, stop, watch, then leave. The next, he was the sinister Turk from her past. He would knock on the door when the place was shut, just to stir some trouble. And then after that, the deranged stranger that she did not know. He would sit at the steps and just wait, twitching from the cold and from the inner workings of his mind.

Somewhere along the line, he had stolen enough money to buy himself a drink in her bar. He refused service from anyone other than her, making a deliberate point that he wanted to talk to her and only her, because nobody else was 'interesting enough.' As she poured him another glass, she asked in response, "By 'interesting enough', do you instead mean 'trustworthy enough?'"

There was a small smile.

"Well well well," she began with an edge of surprise tinging her voice, pushing the glass towards him, "Even your walls have come down."

"Nobody's safe here anymore, especially not you and me, yo. I know you moved from Midgar to here to try and stay safe, but it's not gonna work," he responded, watching his reflection in the liquid, fiddling with his fingers and keeping a watch on the electro-mag rod to his right, "He'll come after you and your merry little gang of friends sooner or later because you were the ones who fucked up his plan in the first place. Sephiroth's just biding his time. Don't wait around for him to choose the battleground."

She tucked some of her ebony hair behind her ear and monitored his expression again. There was a small twitch near his mouth, but nothing major, nothing noteworthy. It wasn't often that she saw an emotion come across his face. She, like all the other citizens who had lived in the world of yesterday, knew that Turks were trained to be as strong as iron, "And what makes you unsafe here?"

"I know too much," he replied curtly, raising the glass to his lips and waving her off thereafter because of some rambunctious yahoo in the corner screaming for a waitress.

* * *

There was a man at the train station who would preach and roar about the poor treatment of the citizens of the world. A man who would rave and beg Sephiroth and anybody who would listen to make a stand and make a difference. He would walk up into people's faces and ask about their previous life, ask if they wanted to feel the sun, that same hope on their skin again.

Tifa had come by to collect a shipment of booze from the train that had pulled in when she saw the events unfold. Somebody had dobbed in the hopeful one, and she saw two remnants descend upon him. One had very short hair and a wicked strike, and the other had long hair and was a sharp shooter.

Even as they beat him mercilessly, silently, the man continued to shout out messages of hope and rebellion. He continued to wonder where and when this world would really be free, because it only moved from one tyrannical ruler to the next, like the continuous cycle of the Lifestream. As she and others watched, she listened.

"Remember the sun, for that was the days of our freedom!" he huffed, and there was another strike to his gut, to the face, to the side, "Remember when we were _alive!_"

After a particularly large crack, the man finally fell silent. The watchers went away, back to their duties, back to whatever remained of their lives. There was no discussion on what the man had been saying, nor what had occurred. They blinded themselves, for that was another great way to stay alive.

And as the pair took the body and vanished into thin air behind a cloud of black smoke, she saw Reno.

He'd been leaning against the wall. He had seen the whole thing. His arms were folded across his chest, and as what always seemed to be the case lately, _he laughed._


	3. they who seek

_**ii. they who seek**_

* * *

The next time Reno passed the bar, it was awfully silent. Something turned in the pit of his stomach as the ringing in his ears became louder and louder.

Tapping the rod across his shoulders, he threw the wooden door open, not flinching when it hit the wall and began to slowly come back. His footsteps creaked through the vicinity as he inspected the area. The tables were strewn across the floor, and he didn't remember the glasses and bottles being broken on the shelf.

There was a thud upstairs, and a roar. He quirked his eyebrow lazily before looking around, trying to piece together the scene.

The window had been smashed in, as though someone threw a rock or catapulted themselves in. Why they didn't use the door, though, he couldn't really answer. He noted that the walls had been scratched, carved into even by blades, and there was a bullet hole in the counter.

Reno wondered if Tifa was alone, or if she even needed any help.

He saw a figure in the far corner move and breathe in. He rubbed the side of his face with his free hand as he approached and saw a little girl huddled in the far corner of the room, behind the cupboards and with a blanket sort of her head. He didn't really recognise her, or know whose child she could possibly be, but her hair strongly reminded him of that Ancient. The one who was successful in her part of defending the Planet.

"Get up," Reno huffed.

The girl trembled as she stood, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. She appeared quite healthy – a testament to Tifa's care – but afraid. It didn't suit her as she looked up at him. There was a cut on her cheek, and though the blood was dry, she could not help but continuously touch it.

"Stop that," he then growled, seizing her hand and moving it away from her face.

His fingers curled around her wrist as he began to lead her out of the house, and although she kept fighting, he still retained a significant amount of his former, Turk strength. Even as she kicked the back of his knee in, he buckled, but did not fall or release her.

Reno glared at the child when she attempted to gnaw on his wrist, and it took quite a bit of his self control to reel in slapping her across the face. He pulled her up so that she was on the edge of her toes as they stood just outside of Seventh Heaven, "We're going on a little adventure, yo. It'll be a while."

The girl still did not trust him, but she learnt to stop fighting him quickly, because he had a very tight grip and any time she tried something, she was pulled to the very tips of her toes, where it was difficult to stand. As the shape of the bar she called home grew smaller and smaller the farther they went, as Edge vanished and they were swallowed by Midgar's third and fourth sectors, she began to wonder.

She scraped through her memories of the stories Tifa told her, trying to see if this man possibly knew her in some way. A name did not fall, but a description matched; and so she pressed, "You know Tifa?"

"Of course I know Tifa," he replied, hanging a right, "She's hit me in the face plenty of times."

Context didn't need to be given, but the girl seemed pleased that he'd suffered on account of Tifa's martial arts somewhere in the past. She seemed to really settle down then, walking right alongside him and looking around at the hollow faces as they passed through sector five and came to –

"The church?" she asked, "You've been here?"

"On assignment," he answered tersely, throwing the door open. They lumbered inside, shutting the door behind them, and it was only then that he let go of her wrist.

She rubbed her wrist viciously and glared up at the stranger before noticing that Yuffie's materia remained in the far back of the room. She rushed over to it, carefully walking around the bright, sunny flowers, and sat on the top of it, as though it were a chair. She had sat in the pews before and she deemed them very uncomfortable.

"You're safer here with me than back home," Reno leant against one of the stone pillars, tapping the rod against the stone surface as the ringing in his ears faded away to a point. Peace, for a while. Not silence by any means, but it was as quiet as it would get, "What happened?"

"Remnants," she sighed.

A small smirk, "So Sephiroth's finally made his move."

Whether or not this Planet would become his vessel would be told in time, but what was important was that after two years, he had given up waiting for a possible challenge. Sephiroth chose to act, and he was coming to pick off the last of AVALANCHE one by one. What did that mean for him, the last of the Turks? He had information he could offer, but beyond that, he had no use. He would inevitably be hunted sometime after.

The girl looked to him before noticing that he was rather calm right now, placid even. Aside from being rough, he so far hadn't harmed her – and besides, she was curious about the marks on his face. Deciding on a course of action, she called him over. Reno looked confused at first, but he followed, eventually squatting down to her height she could look at him in the face.

She placed her small hands on his cheekbones and then traced the curves quietly. Reno did not react, "What happened?"

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Reno merely shrugged and offered her a tiny smile as she took her hands away from his face and looked at his eyes. Her own then widened curiously, "Mako eyes?"

"What's your name?" he pressed, not willing to divulge any more information to a child.

"Marlene," she placed her hands in her lap and smiled at him, "The youngest member of AVALANCHE!"

If Sephiroth was after AVALANCHE, then this child would be killed too. The fact stirred nothing beneath his iron shield, and no pity or sorrow of any sort formed. He maintained his stance, though, keeping eye contact with the girl who only earlier was terrified for her life, and yet here, there was a braveness that he recognised very quickly.

"Tifa's kid?"

Marlene hesitated, her voice slowing and then eventually lowering towards the end of her statement, "Tifa's my caretaker now... My Father was Barrett Wallace."

Ah, the guy with the gun arm. He remembered him, and he could see the braveness that they shared. The first time that they faced off, he had cracked a joke to Rude, only to then be promptly shot in the thigh for it. He still had that scar.

He supposed that AVALANCHE wasn't all bad... They were just on different sides, working towards a relatively common goal through different means. Reno had wanted to help the Planet and its citizens become strong, and they did too by eliminating Shinra. Therefore, they were a threat to him, to the Turks, to Rufus, to Shinra. But now, without any of that –

"You never told me your name," Marlene stated softly.

Reno stood and turned away, going to sit against a nearby pew, "I'm nobody, yo."

Hours must've gone by. Marlene fell asleep in front of the materia box in the flowers and with the blanket over her body by the time the door was almost ripped off its hinges. And there was Tifa, in a complete state of panic; and then there was relief washing over her face as she charged down the church and towards the waking youth.

"Took you long enough," Reno chimed, causing Tifa to falter at the last few steps.

As wine-coloured eyes shifted until they lay upon him, he laughed. She was somewhere between furious and thankful, and she wasn't sure which emotion to really take hold of. As she helped Marlene to her feet, she monitored the man and noted that he had exhibited the same behaviour as a few weeks ago, only the actions were much more vicious, less controlled. Adjust his sleeves, adjust his goggles, tap his rod on the ground –

"Are you alright?" Tifa inquired.

Reno laughed again. It was the laugh that finally made her decide which emotion she should be swallowed by, and as she marched over, ready to strike him, Reno was already on his feet, electro-mag rod in hand and blocking the kick that had come. She stopped, then, realising that despite being broken and despite being disturbed, he was still the Turk she had fought countless times two years ago. He was still as sharp as ever.

He cocked his head to the side and lowered the rod once she lowered her stance, "Remnants, right?"

Tifa nodded slowly and drew Marlene close to her. Marlene held onto Tifa's clothes with a tight grip, even though she was very sleepy, and watched the exchange, "I don't know if they've gone after Cid or Yuffie just yet, but I don't think I can stay here in Edge anymore. Not if it's going to put Marlene in danger. "

"Why do you think I brought her to the church?" he scowled.

She paused. It was a very un-Reno-like thing to do, but aside from the cut from the cocky remnant, there was no damage on her. He had let her sleep, the blanket her over body, and simply remained vigilant. He took her here because he didn't know anywhere else that was safe, or that he _knew_ she could find them.

And then, "Thank you."

Reno shrugged and looked to the church door, "You need to get out of here."

Tifa wondered about him. What would he do if she left? He seemed to like dropping in on her for his own amusement, and she would be lying if she said she was glad to see a familiar face, even if he had been a former enemy. But aside from being strange, he hadn't really done anything new to warrant her distrust. At the same time, the only thing he had done anything aside from take Marlene to safety to _gain_ her trust.

"I think I'll wait here," she replied curtly, letting go of Marlene and ushering her back towards the bed of sorts. She grabbed her cellphone and began to dial a number, "For Cid and Yuffie, so we can all leave together. You too."

A crack in his guard. Reno quirked an eyebrow, surprised, and awaited an explanation.

"I see you long for the sun again. I see your hope," she raised the phone to her ear, waiting for the other to pick up, "You hope for something that resembles freedom. For things to become easier, without Sephiroth and the remnants. I see it, and it burns brightly. I need all the hopeful people I can get if we have any chance of seeing this thing end."

She does not trust him, Reno was well aware of that. But at the same time, she cannot let such an asset go by in their quiet struggle, in their quiet rebuilding. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if her contacts were dead like his – if there was anybody else out there who could help them aside from the two they were waiting for.

Marlene looked away when he glanced at her. She seemed to trust him enough now, but she was just a child. Young, and stupid.

He placed a hand to his head as the ringing increased. The other hand twitched.

The girl noticed immediately and approached, taking Reno's hand, "Geostigma?"

He knew of the disease. Many people had it. Sephiroth called it a 'blessing', and said that he could not wait for them to join his family as they prepared the Planet to be their vessel. But he knew that he did not have Geostigma – there were no marks on his body, no dark patches, no dying skin.

He slid his hand from hers and looked up to the ceiling, slouching again, "No. Insanity."

She did not understand, for she was much too young, but Tifa caught the statement anyhow and glanced at him whilst speaking to whoever was on the other side. If he was to tag along as per her invite to the unknown destination, then she would have to seriously monitor him, for everyone's safety.

He was volatile, and he knew it. Therefore, he was extremely dangerous.


	4. they who judge

_**iii. they who judge**_

* * *

Reno didn't expect to be forgiven or trusted.

"You expect me to go along with this?!" Cid roared furiously, pointing an accusing finger at Reno as he looked at Tifa. The volume of his voice frightened Marlene, causing her to hide behind Yuffie's materia box in the background. Yuffie too did not seem pleased in the slightest, "Have you forgotten that he tried to fuckin' kill us all?!"

Tifa's face remained blank, passive even, "I remember. But he's an asset."

"Asset or not, he's still an enemy, Tifa! He still sought to capture Aerith, he still fought us, still tried to kill us for fuck's sake!" he looked to Yuffie, making rapid gestures as he went along, "Yuffie, help me out here, will ya?"

Reno merely continued to watch the entire event unfold, as calm as ever. Cid and Yuffie both didn't want this – the former more so than the latter – and Tifa defended him. Something about need, something about fighting, something about hope, and such strong hope being rare. He wondered if, in the past, they bickered this much – or if they functioned more as a unit. Their judging eyes did not phase him.

Yuffie folded her arms across her chest and huffed, "He's probably doing dirty work for Sephiroth."

"Why would I want to do dirty work for the son of a bitch who killed the rest of the Turks?" Reno asked, breaking his silence calmly. He crossed the distance that they had set up between them and himself, snatched the cigarette from Cid's mouth and took a drag, much to the man's ire.

Yuffie was quiet for a moment, but before she could inquire further, he continued anyway as though it was common knowledge to everybody, "He stabbed Tseng and Elena through the stomach. Once he removed the bodies, he swung it again and cut Rude in half from the other end of the room. If I hadn't of been out the door already, he would've got me in the same swipe, yo. I have my doubts that Rufus is still alive.

"We might've been enemies, kid, but we have a common goal," he returned the cigarette to Cid, who looked to it with distaste and crushed it beneath his boot. He moved to stand in front of the materia box, watching Marlene watch him intently, "And unfortunately, neither method's exactly fixed the situation, has it?"

"You were _poisoning_ the _Planet_," Tifa reminded him, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Spare me your hippie shit," he countered, looking over his shoulder and laughing, "It's not like there was any other way to support the citizens."

There was silence. Soon, he turned around wholly and watched them watch him in the same manner as Marlene earlier. Tifa continued to look confused at his 'new' self. Cid was wary and was picking up that something wasn't right. Yuffie would shy away from his gaze continuously, because it made her feel uncomfortable. To that, Reno grinned.

Yuffie sighed in defeat and passed them, hoisting her materia box into her arms. It was not as heavy as she remembered. She looked to Tifa, determination lighting her face, and Marlene joined her, "We'd better get going. Cid, let's go get the airship. Hopefully it's still there. We can hide out in what remains of Wutai with my Father and plan our next assault."

"Wutai's crawling with remnants," Reno scowled, but he was inwardly surprised that they still had their airship. He would've thought it was destroyed or stolen by now, "We need somewhere where there aren't many outspoken citizens. A country town or something, yo."

Tifa gazed to the flowers in thought. She did not want to return to Nibelheim, because she felt that Sephiroth would search there seeing as he remembered. The flowers swayed gently in the light breeze, and it was though Aerith was there again, like she usually was in some way.

"Gongaga," she finally breathed slowly, standing straighter. Reno furrowed his eyebrows as she turned to look at him, a small smile on her face. She followed Yuffie out of the church, "We'll go to Gongaga. It's a quiet, small town, and there are very few people there. So ideally, we should be relatively safe."

Reno had not heard of that town in a long time. He did not believe in the strength of the spirits of the Lifestream, despite what he had heard in regards to meteor; but if he did, then he would've believed that the idea to head to Gongaga had been pushed into Tifa's head by one of two former acquaintances.

Cid soon passed him, airship keys in hand, and growled gruffly, "It's about time that we had another pair of balls around here, even if it _is_ you."

Reno merely said nothing and followed them all out, wondering where in Midgar they could've possibly hid such a large vessel for two years.

* * *

They had paid someone to store the airship on their behalf, and, if questioned, state that he salvaged it from the Northern Crater. It seemed to have worked, because now, Reno and the others were on the airship heading towards Gongaga. He supposed that upon arrival, they would have to stash the airship in the reactor's remains after clearing out some space.

He had stressed that they specifically avoid the city of Junon, but Cid remarked that while it was possible, Junon would be watching the skies carefully. Junon made him uncomfortable – there was the giant canon there, firstly, and secondly, he knew that there were many remnants there – and he fiddled with things here and there once again, trying to clear the ringing out of his mind.

_Stay inside,_ he repeated over and over again, walking close to the walls of the machinery room, playing with the sleeves of his jacket. He started to chuckle a little, watching his shadow crawl along the floor, _Stay inside and they can't see you, they won't know, who fuckin' cares, yo._

"What do you know?"

He stopped walking and looked to Tifa expectantly. When he remained silent, she gestured to the operation room and went inside. He soon followed, slamming the door closed with his foot and searching for a spare cigarette and a lighter in the vicinity. He found nothing, though.

Tifa repeated, "What do you know that's gotten you so worked up about being caught by Sephiroth's lackeys?"

"Stuff," he said brushing the sleeves of his jacket, because he swore there was dust there, though he couldn't really see it, "Lots of little and big things. I'm not about to tell you, though. Lots of important shit that could help him out. Shinra had a lot of secrets."

She leant against the wall and looked away quickly, feeling uncomfortable by his behaviour again, "You should tell me, because if we know what it is, then we could destroy it or even use it against him."

"Shinra had a lot of secrets, yo," he repeated, only more forcefully.

"_Shinra_ still exists," Tifa countered, "But it is now a puppet to a hateful being. And because you know all of those secrets, you're a target just as much as we are. There's no point in being wary of each other anymore, Reno; our only chance to survive is if we work together."

"They'll get me in the end. I'm already half done," he grinned when she looked at him again, confused. He crossed the room and placed the rod on the table, ignoring the loud clang when it rolled off, past a chair or two and onto the floor, "Somewhere in between, remember?"

She looked away again and huffed, "I hate what you've become."

"I was always this way – you just never hung around long enough to see it," he replied, the grin vanishing all too suddenly, "The first step to becoming a Turk, Tifa, is to wear an iron mask. To let nothing sway you. No sob story, no difficulty, no woman," he noticed that she began to retreat into a corner, "The second is to go mad. I hear this sound all the time, y'know. It's a really high pitched ringing that never stops... That got me on my way, yo. Can you guess the third step?"

Tifa looked at him, clenching her fists as she unfolded her arms, "Why are you telling me this?"

A cold, white hand darted forth and seized her jaw as he answered for her, chuckling thereafter, "Never look back."

She grabbed his wrist and flung him away. He laughed, then, as the annoyance settled into her face. She didn't like being touched, especially not by someone who had tried to kill her in the past. The only reason she fought to keep him here was because, in the end, they had the same goal, "Don't. Touch. Me."

Reno came back anyway, hands in his pockets, and she kept an eye on them. She had become so focused on keeping them off of her, though, that when the black of his shoulder filled her vision and there was a breath by her ear, it felt as though ice crawled down her spine, "Could only ever leave Shinra willingly in a body bag. Not my kind of ride."

She understood, then, even as she shoved him away and as he laughed.

Reno couldn't say anything because, despite being broken, despite being volatile and strange and alone, he didn't want to die just yet and he remembered very clearly that Shinra, in fact, still existed; and therefore, if not timed properly, the advantage he held would be for nothing. It wasn't time to tell them what he knew.

He didn't want to go to the Lifestream and watch the world pass him by – he wanted to make a difference where he, Rude, Tseng and Elena had failed two years prior. And although she did not know him very well, in the past or now, Reno was reliable in one aspect.

"When the time comes," she began cautiously, watching as he bent down and picked up his weapon with utmost, baby-like care, "Will you use this information against Sephiroth and his remnants?"

"You know I will, yo," he answered, swinging the rod over his shoulder once more.

With that, Tifa left the room, and Reno remained, awaiting the next day.

* * *

Junon.

He could see Junon distort the endless grey sky.

He could see the Sister Ray canon, poised in its powerfully destructive glory.

Reno ran back inside, picking at his lips with his fingers. He was not afraid, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't concerned. Sweat dripped down his brow as his mind raced ahead with possibilities – as the 'what if's began to play in his mind.

What if Shinra helicopters had been following them the whole time in the distance? What if new technology – invisibility technology, even – had been developed in the two years he was away from the company? What if someone, right now, detected the Highwind on the radar and was giving out orders to locate and fire? How would he survive such a huge fall?

He found solace in the far corner of the operation room, where he pulled his legs close to his chest and maintained a blank face, fighting away the possibilities. Although he was not very good at it, he wanted to stay positive. After all, the leftovers of AVALANCHE had tentatively accepted him, and as a result, they were all closer to taking down Sephiroth, sort of.

He stayed there for quite a while, and no one sought him out. His only company was the ringing in his ears, which had gotten so loud that he wondered if he could hear anything else. He brought his fingers up this face and dragged his nails down his skin, trying to listen for the sound it would make – yet, there was nothing. Only the ringing, the never ending ringing.

So he laughed. He laughed and listened for his laughter, somewhere amidst the ringing, somewhere in the background, and he tried to hold onto it. It faded much too quickly. Instead, it had attracted Tifa's attention. Reno watched from the corner of the room as she came to him, sat on her knees and placed her hands on his shoulders, shaking him and saying things that he couldn't hear.

So he tried to listen for her voice, for the firm voice he had never really forgotten even two years later – but it would not come. The ringing persisted. He raised a hand and placed it over his head, digging his nails into the skin again, trying to drown the ringing out. It was times like these that he felt the most vulnerable.

He would do anything to make it stop.

In the past, unless Rude had been there to stop him in the middle of a mission, he had killed just to try to get it to stop. Somewhere deep in his insanity, he would take a life just to try and stop the ringing, just to try and hear the screams – but they never came. He had never found a way to force it to leave. It would leave in its own time, or when he felt more... comfortable.

"Ringing," he choked, not hearing, but feeling the letters leave his lips.

Maybe Junon did frighten him – not because of what was there, but because of the possibilities and how it represented the struggle that was to come.

Reno closed his eyes and continued to listen for other sounds. In the end, he gave up and paid attention to what he could feel. He could feel his body shaking when the ringing got louder, he could feel the airship seemingly wobble in the air, and that only made his heart beat quicker. He could feel a myriad of things, small things, big things; but the one he focused on was the kind touch of the martial artist.

When the ringing finally stopped, when he sat up again and looked into those wine-coloured eyes, she took her hands away from his shoulders. He did not dare smile. Instead, he stood, rubbed his face and walked out, heading for another part of the airship.

She did not tell him that they had a close encounter.


	5. they who hope

_**iv. they who hope**_

* * *

They had been fortunate. Much of the reactor wreckage was cleared away over time, leaving a great landing pad for the Highwind. A few items had been crushed here and there, but overall, the space was perfect. It blended in very well with what remained.

Of course, the commotion of such a large vessel passing overhead caused the residents of Gongaga to come from their homes and watch the strangers. Not a single remnant was among them, Reno noticed. The town was maybe... twenty people.

When they arrived, Yuffie couldn't be happier to be on the ground. She would've kissed it if it weren't so gross, but instead she ran her shoes over the grass and appreciated the feel. She was better in the air than she had been two years prior, but that did not mean, at all, that she was completely over it.

"Ugh, feels so good to get off that damn thing!" she cawed, grinning at Cid, who had personally taken offense.

He growled, hopping off the airship, "If you don't like it, then how about you _walk_ here next time?"

Tifa ignored them both and, squaring her shoulders, she approached the townspeople, "Hello. We are AVALANCHE... We –"

"We know who you are," a middle-aged woman stated from the depths of the crowd. She fiddled with her hands as she made her way to the front and stood before them all, observing them with a keen, almost hopeful gaze. A man soon joined her, and the same look was in his eyes.

It was the eyes that stayed with him as Reno's stomach dropped.

* * *

The family that took them in made his defences fall to the ground much too quickly.

He had seen their aging faces before, on a man's documentation. Their eyes were nothing alike, but he could see so many small things in them that shone brightly in the life he had been unable to save.

Although he had very little to do with that SOLDIER's demise, there was a surprising amount of guilt in Reno when he saw Zack's parents. It intensified when he saw the hope that was still in their eyes – the hope that he lived. That somewhere, he was off living his dream. They greeted them all with a kind smile and offered them their home, because they knew who they were and what they were about – and they wanted to assist.

"There was a broadcast about your ship," Mrs Fair stated, pouring tea into Reno's cup. She glanced towards him and smiled softly before moving onto the tea-loving Cid, "They've put out a reward for your capture. But don't worry – everyone here sticks together. You're all safe."

Reno began to tune out of the pleasantries. He sipped on his tea with shaking hands, trying to feel the warmth that he lacked nowadays. He watched his reflection in the liquid, noticing his sunken face and weary eyes. Although years ago he had been much healthier, he inwardly felt the same as he did back then, as though there was no change.

He wondered how he had changed, if at all, in the ways he couldn't see.

The cup had suddenly shattered, and everyone was looking at him. Somewhere in his thoughts, he had dropped it. He was still shaking, and only now he realised that the ringing in his ears was deafening again.

Mouths moved. Reno merely stared into space.

What about the families of those he had killed? Did they know? Did they hope? Why did he suddenly care?

Sound suddenly came back in a rush, so much so that it felt as though he'd been winded. His eyes glanced at Mrs Fair, who was cleaning up the mess and looked at him worriedly. Mr Fair asked if he was alright, but Cid answered gruffly in his stead, "Don't mind him. He's fucked in the head."

A dark laugh, "You don't know how right you are, Highwind."

* * *

He didn't sleep that night, knowing what he knew about their son and seeing them this way.

The evening that had slid by involved the Fairs showing off a few photographs of their dear Zack, saying how he always wanted to be a hero and how he would collect sticks and use them as swords as a child. They were all polite, smiling or asking a question. When Reno looked down the line, he could see that there was something that each person knew, too. That they knew that Zack was dead, or had an encounter of sorts with him at one stage.

"Oh, what are you doing out here?" Mrs Fair inquired, disrupting his thoughts and guilt. She pulled her night gown closer to her body as he rested his head in his hand and cracked all the more.

"Reliving memories."

The next night that he had been awake and she found him in the kitchen this time, they spoke for a while. She offered him tea, and he refused because it made him feel weak in the stomach.

She always kept mentioning how her boy was so brave and she wished that he cared enough to write letters back home. But she could understand, she remarked – he was off having fun in the world, defending people from Sephiroth. Too busy to write a letter.

"He wrote letters," Reno replied, if only to stop her from talking, "to a girl when he could."

"A girl?" she probed, "As in a girlfriend? Do you know her?"

"I knew her, yo," he growled, shutting his eyes. Another wrong death at the hands of the monstrous man that never ever seemed to stop in his quest for the Planet's possession. He could feel Mrs Fair's gaze on him, so he continued, sparing the extreme details, "Pretty girl. Bright eyes, long hair, flawless skin."

He could tell that she was excited by the news that Zack had – _had_ – a girlfriend. And she asked so many questions that he couldn't keep up with what she was asking, let alone answer whatever actually game his way. One that stuck out was what she did for a job, so he replied with what he had heard Tseng tell him one day, "A flower girl. Zack made her a cart to push them around in."

And she beamed with pride, wondering when she would meet them one day, and it was then that he couldn't stand it. His hands trembled and his eyes opened. He was weary, tired and the weight of the years gone by just couldn't help but seep through and out of his lips, "She's dead."

She remained quiet for a moment before pressing, "She's dead?"

A small nod. He focused on an image of Zack beside him, where he was a little boy in his Father's hands high in the air. She then prattled on about what a shame that was, and how she hoped her boy was okay, and that he would hopefully be strong. She bid him goodnight again and left him glaring at the photo of the younger person.

He knocked it off the table with the back of his clenched hand.

When he woke again the next night, he hid in the far corner of the living room, taking in the full scope of it. It was immaculate, proper and a good home. And just like every other night, she found him again and spoke with him, "It seems we both keep waking from bad dreams."

"Mmf."

She would go on about how she worried for Zack. And all this fucking talk about Zack made him feel sick in his stomach and made all of those fucking crazy symptoms come back because he still felt guilty. He was sick of hearing about him, he was a goddamn ghost, and that's where he should've remained. But here, he was being forced to remember.

He finally snapped, "Your son's dead."

There was nothing but silence and the ringing in his ears for many beautiful moments. Her mouth hung open and her bright eyes narrowed at the accusation. She leant forward, looking at him from across the coffee table, "He can't be dead. He's off exploring the world and helping those who need it... Don't lie to me!"

He shut his eyes again as the ringing got louder, and for a moment in the distance he swore he heard Tseng report the news to him again like it was yesterday. It was strange how Zack's death weighed in on his conscious like that. He felt a tad bad for Aerith, however he had nothing to do with it. But he failed a good man.

His silence seemed to affirm what he had said to her. She brought a hand up to her mouth and shook her head repeatedly, and as expected, the waterworks came. He did not feel pity for her or her husband, only guilt in himself for not finding him on time. Because face it, Zack would've been an amazing, as Tifa would've said, 'asset', "I couldn't save him."

Through her tears, she queried, "Can you... t-tell me how he...?"

And so he debriefed her as he had been debriefed of the incident years ago, "Shinra operatives were tracking him and one Cloud Strife. They had been captured after the Nibelheim Incident and been experimented on with mako, and both had escaped. The latter had mako poisoning.

"They made it to the outskirts of Midgar before being confronted by thousands of infantrymen," and he still felt nothing for her, only for himself; he didn't want that guilt anymore, "In the end, 1st Class SOLDIER Zack was shot to death, and Cloud recovered to a point. I'm sure you know the rest from there through stories. But where as Shinra had been sent to kill him, the Turks, of which I was a part of, were sent to locate and save him. I couldn't find him."

There was silence again, save for the ringing in his ears and the surprisingly soft sobbing of Zack's Mother. There was no doubt that she would tell her husband when she returned to sleep – if she could fall asleep again, that is – and that he would be just as crushed. They wouldn't be chipper in the morning, and he was _glad._ Such happiness in a world so dark was grating. It sickened him. Hope was one thing, but being happy was another.

"Tell me, Mrs Fair," he began in with a dark, wicked smirk, "Did you _really_ believe that Zack was still alive?"

Because she knew, like everyone else, that SOLDIERs of that rank were very famous and well known. That they were almost like celebrities, that there were fanclubs who reported on their every move and every mission. Some fans were creepy enough as to approach their own homes, and surely at one point one of those lunatics would've come knocking on the family's door. She would've noticed all of that... stop.

_Stop,_ something in him said; but Rude wasn't here.

He leant in, teeth gleaning in the vague moonlight through the window, watching her filthy blue eyes dart about and sweat drip down her brow, "Of course you didn't."

She finally rose and ran back upstairs, a broken mess. He laughed and the ringing pierced him.


	6. they without direction

_**v. they without direction**_

* * *

He didn't know how a kid could wander so far away and out of the eyesight of twenty or so people, but Marlene had done it.

Reno rolled his eyes as Tifa continued to search and curse at Sephiroth for forcing them all into such a position. He switched the rod into his other hand, relishing in the surprisingly, near-silence of the ringing. He laughed when Tifa tripped over a rug.

She glared at him, fighting down the desire to strike him in the face, "You think this is funny, do you? What if she's been abducted?"

"I _really_ don't think that's the case, yo."

Before she could go off at him again, the Turk wisely left Tifa, going for a wander around Gongaga.

He wasn't at all concerned for Marlene's safety, but he was damn curious about where she had tottered off to. As he surveyed the good and destroyed houses, he wondered what the town had been like in Zack's youth. After all, he remembered the SOLDIER well - full of well-meaning promises that he tried his hardest to fulfil in the face of danger.

He came to the conclusion that Marlene had gone farther out than previously anticipated, probably to the outskirts of the town. Ignoring the twitch in his free hand, he continued to walk through the grasslands and the trees until he came to a mountainous and dark cliff side.

And there she was, at the edge, looking around.

_Stupid kid,_ he thought to himself, rushing over, _She's out in the fuckin' open_.

As he approached, she noticed that she'd been holding a materia close to her body. He slowed when a creature he'd seen before flashed out in front of her briefly. It then vanished just as quickly. Marlene then stomped her foot in annoyance, "Dammit!"

"Summoning Bahamut's not easy. Actually, summoning's not easy, period," he called, a few feet behind her.

She turned and looked to him, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Her expression showed nothing but determination, "I've been practicing a lot."

He was finally standing beside her, tapping the rod on his shoulder and looking down at the ground far below. His tone was solemn, perhaps a little regretful, "You remind me more and more of Aerith everyday."

Marlene smiled a little before pocketing the materia, "Don't tell Yuffie."

He lowered himself so that he was sitting on the edge, one leg carelessly hanging over, "Won't say a word, yo. But y'know, Mama Tifa's lookin' for you, and you shouldn't be out here."

"Tifa's not my mother, just my caretaker," she corrected. She moved so that she stood beside him, her hands behind her back, "And where else am I going to practice summoning? I don't want to hurt people."

"_You_ could still get hurt," he looked at her, "That beast could turn on you, or a helicopter could see you and shoot you down!" his hands darted out an imitated gunfire to her stomach, causing her to giggle. She almost lost her balance then, almost toppling over the edge, but Reno seized her arm and puller her back, "And there's also the possibility of you fallin' off this cliff, yo."

Once he was sure that she was steady, he let her go, and she spoke, "Reno, tell me about your parents. Were they like my Dad?"

"No," he said, raising a hand to claw at his head again. The ringing was beginning to get louder, "My dad was always drunk and my Mum was always violent. Made the right choice to leave for Shinra at thirteen."

"That's sad."

The simplicity of the comment stunned him, causing cracks in his guard. He removed his hand from his head and turned wholly to look at her, furrowing his eyebrows, "'Sad?' What do you mean 'sad'?"

She smiled forlornly, in the exact same fashion as that damn Centra from years ago. It was scary how similar she was unknowingly becoming to the deceased woman, "What I mean is, it's sad that even when you were really small, you didn't really feel love. That all you've ever known is... well, this. Survival. I'm sad for you."

Reno remained silent, his hand twitching. He had never really deemed his story as 'sad' before, just that it was like everyone else's - 'unfortunate'. If anything, Marlene had been exceptionally lucky.

"Not everyone's like your Dad or Tifa," he replied coldly, standing and stretching, "You've been very fortunate," he began to walk away from the cliff's edge, "Come on, yo. Let's get you back to Tifa before she goes insane too."

She skipped to join him, a sunny smile that could've lit up the Planet on her visage. Before long, she grabbed Reno's hand and turned that smile up to him. Her grip was strong and tight, as though she never wanted to let go.

Nothing stirred in his iron heart as they made their way back.

* * *

Calm washed over Tifa as she saw Marlene return with a stony-faced Reno. She approached, calling out to them. Marlene waved back, and Reno stuck out their joint hands as though he was trying to get her to let go, or shake it off. The sight was relatively amusing.

"Where have you been?" she inquired, "Reno, where was she?"

"Gongaga's cliff side."

The martial artist's eyebrows went sky high, "Marlene, what were you doing there?"

"Don't tell Yuffie," she began lowly, her voice barely above a whisper, "But I've borrowed her Bahamut materia. I'm trying to learn to summon so that I can help."

"You're doing what?" she rubbed her face, almost disbelievingly, and then looked to Reno, "Did you put her up to this?"

He hissed, "_Me? _Fuck you -"

"This was my own idea!" Marlene interrupted.

Tifa stuck her hand out expectantly. The other rested on her hip, "Marlene, no. Give me the materia."

"No! I want to help!"

"It's too dangerous," she reasoned.

Marlene released Reno's hand and instead hid behind him, holding onto his jacket, much to his annoyance. Even as he protested that he wasn't 'the middle guy' and tried to pry her tiny fingers from his clothes, Marlene yelled, "No! How am I supposed to help you and be a part of AVALANCHE if I can't fight?"

"Where did you get the idea that you were part of AVALANCHE?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Her posture slackened.

The notion was absurd. She was only six, _six_ and having lived so little of what a life should be... and yet she was already willing to die for the Planet. For a cause that she could barely understand, other than Sephiroth was a bad man who had cost the lives of her Father, of many of her friends, and of many other people.

"She's AVALANCHE by association, yo," Reno interjected. His voice made her skin crawl, not because she still sort of saw him as an opponent, but because he was right, "It won't matter to Sephiroth if she is or isn't. She's your gun guy's kid and now she's in your care. That's enough reason to want her dead," he began to pat himself down for a cigarette, hoping that he still had one spare somewhere, "Everyone's gotta learn to survive somewhere and somehow. If she wants to learn to summon, I say let her. I'll even watch her do it in case something goes wrong, if that'll ease your mind."

His words soon went in through one ear and out the other. She knelt down, grabbed Marlene's wrists and pulled them away from Reno's jacket, and as he moved out of their way, finding a cigarette, he picked up on Tifa's tone. It wasn't desperate, but it was saturated in motherly affections, and while he could understand why and that she cared for the child, the child still saw her as someone different, "You're too young for this war, Marlene. Give me the materia."

Marlene ripped her wrists away from Tifa and stomped off to the Fair's home, not uttering a word. As Tifa rose to her full height again, the cigarette between Reno's lips came to life, "You can't protect her forever."

"But I can damn well try," she countered, glaring daggers at him. And there, as usual - a laugh. She clenched her fists and reminded herself that he was an ally, and that she shouldn't punch an ally in the face, no matter how tempting.

"And what about when you're dead too?" he queried, smirking.

* * *

A cold silence dripped over her as he walked away as well.

Mrs Fair refused to look at him after what he had told her. Mr Fair would glance at him and then turn away. At the very least, the guilt was not as strong, not even when he saw how gloomy their faces were. How he had singlehandedly destroyed their hope in the world.

Tifa, in her usual fashion, asked what the matter was. Reno did not watch but instead listened to the conversation as Marlene played some game with Yuffie and Cid at the other side of the house. When they told her, she glanced at him, and he merely smirked, more so at her than at Marlene stumbling over the rug. She apologised for his behaviour, saying how that he wasn't normal, really; but she affirmed to them that Zack was indeed gone, even throwing in a mention of how Cloud used his personality for such a long time in their fight.

"We still want to help you," Mr Fair said, holding his wife's hand tightly as they gazed at a photo of their son, "For him. Whatever you need, please tell us, and we will provide it."

Tifa thanked them profusely, because such kindness in the world was hard to find. And even though he had broken them and stolen their hope, such words reinforced the tiny bit of hope that he had left in his fragile self. As he gazed out the window and watched the sun set, for the first time in a long time, he felt a bit brighter.

Later on, though, Tifa approached and quizzed him, "Why did you tell them?"

He could've said many things. He could've told her the truth and how he was sick of feeling guilty about the life he couldn't save, and so he exploded so he could feel better. Waiting in hope was better than knowing, she would've said if he chose that answer, so instead, he gave her what she wanted to hear, "I felt sorry for them. They deserved to know."

And she smiled at him, strong and wide, and for a moment, the mask Reno had been wearing for so long lowered, because he wanted a better look. His expression blanked more than usual as the smile widened a fraction, "I know it's hard on them, but you did the right thing. You've shown me that you do have a heart somewhere, and that it's not all rotten."

As if his heart was rotten. Hers was worse. He said nothing, though, as she sauntered away and tried to talk to Marlene again, who had been ignoring her since the discussion earlier about the materia.

* * *

He heard helicopters one day and freaked out.

Instead of running back to the Fair's home, he ran into the woods and hid. He smeared dirt on his face, his clothes, his electro-mag rod, and just fucking hid beneath the trees, hoping that the canopy would cloak him. They were looking. _They are looking._ They want them. _They want him._

The ringing in his ears was louder than normal, but it didn't drown out the sounds above. He brought his legs up to his chest and buried his face knees, trying to wait everything out. It wasn't time yet, it wasn't time to use what he knew, it just wasn't time for any of it. And he just hoped that the helicopter wouldn't find the Highwind.

Alone here, with his thoughts, he thought about those he had lost that were of any remote meaning to him. He thought about Elena and how she would always compare herself to her sister, and if he was honest, which he never was, her sister was always a much better Turk than the blabbering woman. He thought about Tseng and how difficult it was to get him to laugh. He thought about Rufus and the sense of pride he always wore around him, like a cloak. He thought about Rude and all the good times they had, and how he missed him by far in a way more than he missed whatever remained of his sanity.

Maybe Rude was his sanity, or the only person who could remind him of it. Because although he couldn't see wrong from right, Rude had a better idea and would guide him accordingly in the more dire situations.

He listened to the ringing until it deafened him. Until he couldn't hear the helicopters anymore and was _safe_ from sound, safe in the thick of the woods, and until he finally got the courage to peer out and look for the vehicle in the sky. When he found nothing, he returned to the Fair's home, still dirty and still panicked.

It was Cid who greeted him, furrowing his eyebrows, "The fuck happened to you?"

"The helicopters," he said, "I was hiding, weren't you?"

The look Cid gave him afterward made him falter a little. The words that followed made him straighten up and glare, "Helicopters? There were no helicopters, Reno. It's been a quiet day..." Cid tilted his head slightly, chewing on the end of his already stubby cigarette, "You look as if you don't believe me."

"I heard them," he insisted.

"There were _no helicopters,_" he growled, standing and heading into the kitchen, joining Yuffie because she kept asking for cake, and Tifa because she was beginning to devise plans.

And as he stood there, dirty and alone, he watched through bright blue eyes as Marlene entered the room, toying with the end of her hair and watching him carefully. She did not judge him or make any statement whatsoever, she just looked at him as he sat in the middle of the floor and studied his boots. Filthy, they were – so he licked his thumb and began to clean the mud off.

"Scram," he hissed without looking at the only person who was concerned for him at all.

* * *

Marlene sat beside him the whole time as Tifa went over the new plans. Even though a few days had passed from the 'helicopter', she worried for him, and as she understood, Reno couldn't care less. A few times she tried to hold his hand, and he shook her off as though she was diseased, as though she had Geostigma and didn't want it.

She understood that he was sick, but she couldn't grasp what it was beyond that. And it made her sad for him, more so when she would watch how nobody else cared and everyone else still treated him as though he were an enemy. She understood that such a thing would be hard to move past, but surely Tifa would have been more comfortable around him by now.

"Stop it," he hissed, tearing his hand away for the fifth time. This time, he placed both hands on the table, gripping at the wood as they trembled as always, and she wondered if at any point he had seen a doctor, "I'm tryin' to listen, yo."

It was hard enough for him to listen now that he was aware that he was becoming crazier. He had asked others if there were any helicopters on that day, and there weren't. The fact that he was beginning to hear more things vaguely concerned him. He could cope with the ringing, for it had been there for as long as he could remember, but he didn't want this added sound.

"We can't do much this time around, because we are too small and Sephiroth has too many people," Tifa remarked, running her fingers through her long, dark hair, "If we're going to get anywhere, we need plenty of explosives, and more people. Four active warriors isn't enough..." and then she looked to him, "and I don't even know if what you know will help defeat him in the end."

"It will," Reno assured.

She bit her lip and turned back to the rest of them as a whole, "I think our first goal is to recruit people. We should spread out all over the Planet and find people to help. That way, we can get more resources and it will put us in a better position to fight," she looked to Mrs Fair, "You mentioned that Zack had a fanclub, right? Maybe you can get in contact with them."

"I don't know where they are," she said slowly, "But I can certainly see if I can find any of them. I'm sure they would be willing to help. I'm sure you will find some of your old friends as well. Perhaps your teacher is still around, Tifa, and will be able to get some students to help you. You said he had one-hundred-and-twenty-eight of them, right?"

"I wouldn't know where to find Zangan, or his students," she replied stiffly. Besides, he was an old man now, maybe even dead. Last she heard, he couldn't jump anymore, "But I'll keep it in mind."

Cid interjected, "If we took the airship to find these people, don't you think we'd get spotted? You wanna risk that?"

"As long as we stay away from Sephiroth's major bases, I think we'll be fine. Oh, another thing," she stuck her hand inside the bag at her feet, grabbing five cellphones. She passed one out to everybody, "We need to keep in contact. If something happens, call one of us. I didn't use our real names in case the phones were stolen," she smiled at Mr Fair, "Thank you for getting these."

Yuffie scratched her forehead, inspecting the contact list, "Then who's who?"

"You're 'Princess'," she grinned at the small smile, "Marlene is 'Shorty'. Cid is 'Spaceman'. Reno is 'Black Suit'," beside her, she felt Mrs Fair stiffen momentarily, "Something wrong with 'Black Suit'?" She shook her head and looked to her hands again, prompting Tifa to sit up a little taller and finish talking, "And I am 'Mama'."

No one said anything for a while. Marlene was trying to see if there was a game on the phone. Yuffie was making some kind of face. Cid was deep in his memories. Tifa simply smiled at them all, and Reno curled forward in his chair, face as stony as ever, but his hope still quite strong.

Maybe they could do this.


	7. they who suffer

Author's Note: Just wanted to take the time to thank you all for your continued support. It means a lot to me! I've practically put every other project or idea on hold to make sure I get this completed, so seeing that people enjoy it has really pleased me. Thank you and enjoy!

* * *

_**vi. they who suffer**_

* * *

He relished being alone again.

He didn't have to worry about their prying eyes or their judging stares. Sometimes it felt like he was making ground with them in the 'trust' department. Other times, it felt like he had taken several steps backwards because of another one of his breakdowns. But oh well, no matter. This is who he was. And if they couldn't deal with it, then they would lose him and the information he held.

Alone alone _alone alone again_ with nobody but his own fucked up self. He laughed.

Reno watched the airship fly away into the distance. They had all been given locations, and they were all heading off. He had been dropped off at the Golden Saucer, to his complete amusement, and he was specifically instructed to get in trouble and find people in the prisons to see if they could be of help.

Of course, he did the opposite. He obeyed and did the right thing by everyone, keeping his trembling hands in his pockets and his eyes focused squarely on what was in front of him. He saw happy people playing games – he _retched_ because they were fucking _happy_ – and he saw others marvel at the architecture. If anything he was damn sure that they were people who funded Sephiroth's cause.

No one in their right mind would support him, and that was coming from someone whose head was fucked up.

His first stop was the Chocobo Races, where he was well aware that prisoners would race. It seemed that where as the rest of the world changed greatly under Sephiroth's rule, the Golden Saucer had not. The last of the previous world's order remained in flashing lights and promises of riches.

As he waited at the end of every race, as every prisoner was freed, he watched as their eyes hovered over him. They knew him, they knew him well. They would approach and glare, even as he smirked and would then ask if they wanted a shot at killing the big man. They thought he meant Mr Coates, but when he clarified, he watched the big bad wolves stick their tails between their legs and whine.

"You're a fuckin' coward, yo," he growled after the sixth one turned him away.

The man heard, span on his heel and glared, "What did you say?"

"Too scared to stick up for what's good," he hissed, hands shaking, and the ringing was loud again.

"That is _a lot_ of fuckin' talk from a former _Turk._"

He almost panicked. Almost.

But, he was too angry and frustrated by the situation to give a damn. Instead he lashed out with his electro-mag rod, causing the man to jump back, startled. Reno rushed at him again, successfully striking him in the side this time, before uppercutting him in the jaw. As he delivered another strike to the man's gut and found that his arms were seized by security guards, he struggled and roared at the spineless piece of shit, "At least I'm trying to do the right thing!"

In the end, he was still thrown down into Corel Prison, as AVALANCHE had asked of him. He was still working for someone instead of holding his own damn power. Maybe there, in what remained of that old town, people wouldn't be afraid to join him or talk. Maybe there, he could find people to help right the wrongs of Shinra – and again he was still working for the old ghost instead of holding his own damn power.

"Stop laughing," the guard remarked, jabbing him in the side.

Laughing? He didn't realise he'd been laughing at all...

* * *

There were enemies everywhere, _everywhere_ here, and they all wanted a piece of him; they wanted whatever money he had, his electro-mag rod, his health, his life. They were always ready for him. The bandits and their pieces of junk, they were always ready to take.

Reno swung his electro-mag rod across the face of the fourth bandit to cross his path in the few hours he'd been here. He was in _no_ mood to negotiate right now, and he'd be damned if he was going to let some pickpockets near him or AVALANCHE on such an important mission. Besides, it was bad enough that Yuffie was around.

So let's see how they would like being robbed instead, especially now that they were completely defenceless and unconscious. Without a care in the world, Reno bent over and rummaged through their pockets, taking whatever he found. Money, two grenades of all things, a photo – he tore that apart and left it in front of the man's face – and a tiny potion vial. That surprised him.

Either way, he pocketed everything and kicked the man in the ribs for good measure before moving on. He didn't want to be in the main area. Too many prying eyes. Fuck what AVALANCHE wanted and what his stupid hope wanted right now. He wanted to sleep and he wanted to stay away from potential thieves. He could recruit another day – he knew he would be down here for a while.

So he wandered, along with the desert air, until he was lost again.

Reno head east continuously, mercilessly beating down whatever came his way – and they did come – and he did not watch as Corel Prison shrunk behind him. The desert seemed endless, until a fence approached from the horizon. It was far enough, and the bandits were becoming fewer and fewer.

Eventually stopping once he came to the fence, he sat on the ground, held his weapon in both his hands tightly, and watched the nothingness until sleep took him.

* * *

The scorching heat was what woke him. Rubbing his eyes, he lifted his head and stretched. Reno stifled a yawn and cracked his neck. He then noticed his boots were dirty and moved to clean them beneath brighter grey sky, but he found that his mouth was very dry. He laughed.

Instead, he cleaned the dust off of the electro-mag rod that he had dropped somewhere in his sleep. After that, he checked his pockets to find that nothing was stolen. The bandits must've returned to the main centre before the night became too cold and harsh to them. Maybe he did the right thing in hiding here.

A text then came. He read it quickly and nodded to himself.

'_Black Suit,  
We've got a few supplies from the fanclub on the airship. Bombs, mainly.  
Hope you're doing okay. I worry about you, you know.  
- Mama'_

The journey back to the main centre was long, but once he arrived, he noticed that there were not as many bandits and that the vicinity was much quieter than before. That worried him a little, until he saw a middle-aged man sitting off to the right. Reno approached, "Yo."

The man surveyed him for a moment, "Can I help you?"

"I'm hoping you can. Would you be interested in fighting against Sephiroth?"

He scoffed, "I would, but I am in no condition to do so..." He gestured to the fact that he was missing a leg, and for a moment, he remembered Marlene's Father. The Turk wondered why the man's leg had not been replaced with a machine prosthetic, "I know I'm not that old, but I feel it."

"Can you recommend anyone who is willing to fight against him? I'm from AVALANCHE," and the name tasted like blood on his tongue.

"How times have changed," he surmised with a vague smile – he knew of his origins, then, "I will ask around, but I can't make promises. At any rate, you might want to stay away from the main town. Word has just gotten out that you've fallen down here, and apparently, you know some things... As a result, remnants have been sent out. Go back to the desert. I'll see if I can send some people there."

Reno didn't thank the man. Instead, he bowed his head a little and head back to that stupid desert and wait.

He wasn't sure how long passed, but once he arrived, he surveyed the area this time. His keen eyes soon detected a junkyard, and it was there that he chose to hide. Something soon consumed him – a stealthy fear. He stopped walking and looked around, tightening his grip on his weapon. Shadows shifted, and he scratched at his face, trying to ignore the building paranoia.

A rat scurried past.

He laughed, and then felt dizzy.

Reno approached the junkyard without any further hesitation. He would wait here for the men that that stranger mentioned, and then he would phone in 'Mama' and get the fuck out of here before the remnants took him. He wondered how many there would be – one? Two? Could he take on any of them?

He took on Tifa just fine, so surely he could hold his own against a remnant, right?

Shadows whirred around again. He tightened his grip on his weapon and reminded himself that he needed to find a place here to hide. As he inspected the area, he found something, _someone_ he did not expect to ever see again, lying curled in a ball against a scrap heap.

The air suddenly felt heavy, as though it was pushing down on his shoulders. It also felt unclean, as though every breath he took was poisoning him. He felt weak, his hands shook, the ringing skyrocketed within seconds and as he gazed at the figure, a part of him shattered so much that he was sure he lost it like his sanity.

Reno dashed forward, dropped to his knees and placed the electro-mag rod on the ground beside him. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook it viciously, trying to see if she was alive or dead. With his other hand, he hurriedly swiped her long hair out of the way and saw that her face was marred with fresh cuts.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and shook her again, speaking this time, "Cissnei... Cissnei, it's me."

There was a noise, he thought, but she didn't move. But that noise was enough for him.

He ran away when they needed him the most. He didn't protect the boss. He turned and ran as his first in command and the novice were impaled, and he didn't pull Rude through the door in time to escape being halved. He'd be damned if he was going to let the only other good memory in his life as a Turk vanish.

"Cissnei!" he called again, the iron mask rapidly slipping away, the chaotic balance he had somehow instilled in himself tilting more and more towards desperation.

He clawed at her shoulder, forcing her from the curled position, and made her lean against the metal. At the violent jolts, she stirred, lifting her head to look at him through large brown eyes. She blinked a few times, trying to focus, only to then say, "Who are you?"

He snapped again.

"Are you fucking – it's _me. _Reno. _Re-no._"

Nothing registered in her face. He tugged at his hair and instead decided on a course of action – he needed to get her out of here so she could heal properly. Judging by the wounds he could see on her arms and legs through the black suit, she'd been shot quite a few times, and that looked like a slash to him too. He could not see her shuriken anywhere.

Cissnei put up no resistance as he patted down her pockets and found that yes, she still kept a handgun on her. He took it out immediately as he took out his cellphone and dialled Tifa, because he knew that Marlene was too young, and nobody else would really listen to him.

As it rang on speaker, he stuffed his electro-mag rod into one of her hands, which she gripped tightly but shakily, and slung one of her arms over his shoulders. With his other free hand, he grabbed her handgun and stood, "We're going to walk out of here, alright? I've got you, yo."

"I don't even know who you are," she said, "I don't even know who _I_ am."

"You're Cissnei, and you're gonna fuckin' stay with me, you understand?" he hissed.

Because she was all he had now. AVALANCHE were one thing – they were... forced comrades – but this was a good woman he had the pleasure of working with many years ago. This was a fellow Turk, one who was scattered across the world after the defeat of Zirconiade. And with everyone else that he knew dead, she was the last –

"Black Suit?" came the curious voice, "Are you alright?"

But before he could answer, a shadow loomed over him once more, but instead of darting away, it rose and formed. It grew a body, and then long, silver hair. The being looked much like Sephiroth, but not quite – the smirk was not all there.

"A little eager to leave Corel Prison, are we?" he questioned. He chuckled slightly when the woman on the other end of the line murmured something about the prison, "Sephiroth would like a word with you, and I'm here to take you to him."

"Help me," Reno gritted to Tifa, lifting his good arm and aiming the handgun at the remnant. Yazoo, he was sure – he was one of the top remnants, last he heard, "_Help. Me._"

There was a dial tone and then the sound of gunshots.


	8. she who forgot

_**vii. she who forgot**_

* * *

Yazoo was much faster than he was, as he was weighed down by Cissnei's crumpling form. He was sure now that it was this remnant who had attacked Cissnei and left her out here to die.

A bullet grazed by his shoulder. He gritted his teeth and heard nothing but ringing and gunshots as he did his best to weave around the flurry of bullets. He was still quite a sharp shooter, he realised when he got Yazoo in the hand. The man hissed and halted for a moment.

Reno let Cissnei fall from him. He glanced at her, watching her scuttle away and hide again, but she left his electro-mag rod by his feet. Kicking it up and into his hands, he adjusted the weapon's settings and dodged another bullet. There was no time for relief when another clipped him in the leg, and another just before his foot.

He dashed forward and in an upward motion, struck Yazoo on the chin with the electro-mag rod. Yazoo jolted at the shock, staggering backwards. A few more swipes with it caused Yazoo to shout out, but before Reno could aim his gun squarely at the guy's head, he recovered. The Turk found that the gun was pointing right at his chest.

Yazoo smiled, "You can come with me quietly, or I can take you in a body bag."

Reno gritted his teeth, thereafter knocking the weapon downward before Yazoo could fire. He pulled the trigger, instead getting his own foot. Reno did not hear a shout of pain. He heard nothing but the ringing in his ears, which had gone to new heights in terms of volume. He slammed the butt of the handgun into the top of Yazoo's head, forcing him to crumple.

But he was not out of the fight.

Yazoo recovered quicker than expected, and in an endless assault, sent shot after shot after shot at the Turk. It was almost like he was dancing as he did his best to avoid most of the shots. He snuck in a few more strikes with the electro-mag rod, but it did not affect him as much as it had before.

"You certainly have not lost your touch," Yazoo praised lightly, "It is a shame. If you had only said yes to Sephiroth from the beginning, then we wouldn't be in this situation. You would've been an amazing asset."

"I am _no one's _asset," he growled, shooting Yazoo squarely in the shoulder.

He wasn't Shinra's asset, he wasn't Sephiroth's asset, and he wasn't AVALANCHE's asset. He was tired of being called such a thing, as though he was currency. He chose his battles and fought for what he believed in, and that was that.

Yazoo stood and lowered his weapon. His long hair fell forward as he drawled, "Of course you are an asset. You are a puppet, much like me, and much like that fool Strife was before his demise. You were a slave to Shinra, forced into an unnatural shell. You currently are a servant to AVALANCHE, an extra pair of bloodstained hands in a war that will end so poorly for you."

Reno spat at his feet. Yazoo raised his gun again, realising that he would have to take him by force. Before he had the opportunity, a shoulder met his face, forcing him several feet backwards. He grumbled something through the blood filling his mouth.

Reno glanced at Cissnei, finding that she was watching the battle, as though she was remembering something. The distraction cost him, though, and he was knocked flat on his back. Looking up at Yazoo, he narrowed his eyes and, before he could have his head blown off, he swept the remnant off his feet and sent the bullet to the sky.

And as Reno watched its trajectory, he saw the Highwind approaching. Relief swallowed him.

Ignoring Yazoo, he rushed back over to Cissnei, who seemed to be watching the Highwind as well. He grabbed her arm again and threw it back over his shoulders, hoisting her to her feet. He spoke to her, though he barely heard what he said, "Get up."

The Highwind's shadow cast itself over the desert, approaching downward. Yazoo chuckled slightly before aiming back at Reno, who was too busy lifting the Turk woman to her feet. If he could get a clear shot of her head, then surely he would drop her and come with him willingly to divulge the information needed.

Before he had the opportunity, though, a large shot of lighting came from the airship. He glanced up, finding that a woman with long, dark hair – Tifa was her name, if he recalled rightly – shooting bolts down at him. She must've had materia – maybe what remained of AVALANCHE was a little better equipped than they anticipated.

No matter.

He looked to Reno and smiled, bowing slightly before vanishing into nothingness, "I'll see you at Gongaga, Turk."

Alarm bells went off in his head. They knew.

Cissnei began to slide away from him. She was weary. He righted her a little and told her to stay with him again, and that soon enough she'd be all better. He considered giving her the potion he had found to help her out, but that small an amount wouldn't really help her in this situation.

The wind from the Highwind was strong as it landed not too far away from him. Tifa was the one who rushed out first as he limped and supported Cissnei. She eyed her, "What happened? Who is she?"

"Just fucking help me for fuck's sake," and he was desperate as hell, "Ask questions later."

Tifa surveyed Reno's face. There was some blood and dirt, but more importantly, she could _see him_ for the first time. Behind the freckles and the pale skin, behind the cerulean blue, she saw panic, fear, and worry for someone other than himself. The woman must've been of value, maybe.

What struck her the most is he looked like he was about to fall apart.

"Alright," she said, taking him off of her, "Let's get her on the ship."

"Gongaga," he then remarked, "Sephiroth knows. Don't go back."

Her eyes widened, "But the townspeople..."

"Don't go back," he pressed again, waiting behind her, "People die in a war. Don't let it be those who are best to fight it, yo."

As they boarded, a tear slipped from Tifa's eye. They had all been so nice to them... they looked after them and took them in when no one else would, and now they were going to simply abandon them? How could she let that happen, and how could he think that way? "You're going to let them die without trying to help?"

"We have to survive," he hissed, "And if you go back, you're just making us easy pickings for Sephiroth. Make Cid hide the airship somewhere far away, farther than Gongaga."

She was still not convinced.

So instead, he shoved her up the Highwind, roaring, "Would you put Marlene in the thick of the action just to try and save people who have already lived a long life?! Get on the fucking airship!"

Even as she climbed up the latter, holding the now unconscious girl over her shoulder, she felt something in her change. He had never referred to Marlene by name, and she'd never heard him sound so angry and annoyed before. A part of her wondered, and then another part of her remembered that he was goddamn crazy and probably looking out for himself instead.

"I hate who you are," she called, ascending faster.

No she didn't. She just hated that he was right.

Reno still felt the blow.

* * *

They made it undetected to Cosmo Canyon. They didn't know about what happened to Gongaga, and Reno made sure that _nobody_ looked back.

This time, he didn't mind holding onto Marlene's hand, because it gave him a sort of comfort. She smiled at the notion and squeezed his hand a bit tighter as they watched Cissnei, as he called her, be carried into the Shildra Inn by Elder Bughe and Elder Hargo. She had not met them before, but she remembered Tifa speaking of them.

"She'll live," Bughe said, analysing her wounds, "But you have to keep her here until she's healed."

Hargo smiled at Tifa, Cid and Yuffie, "You got to her just in time. For now, stay here, recover, rest and rethink your plans for the future. This is where AVALANCHE was born, and this is where AVALANCHE will be tested."

Funny, neither looked at him as they left the room, and nobody corrected them. _He_ found Cissnei, not them. Unsure of what else to do, the members of AVALANCHE left too, and Reno found himself alone with his comrade, and surprised that he missed Marlene's gentle touch.

He sat in the chair, which he deliberately placed backwards, beside her and watched her sleeping face. His hands trembled and the ringing still had not softened.

What struck him the most is she did not remember who she was, let alone him. How can someone forget? It didn't make sense. Then again, he hadn't seen her in years – maybe this was something that happened when she left, or during Meteorfall, or since.

At any rate, he was going to look after her, because she was all he had left. He fell asleep.

* * *

The first time Cissnei woke, she was startled by the fact that he was there, "Reno?"

Hope, like the sun, burst through his iron-clad heart, "You remember?"

"No, that's the name you told me... And I was... Cissnei?"

"Yeah," and he couldn't bring himself to say anything more.

The soft pitter-patter of feet soon distracted the pair of them. Reno turned his head and found Marlene a few feet away, unsure of whether she should approach and holding a glass of water. She smiled at the stranger and extended the drink to her, "This is for you. Drink up!"

Cissnei took the water tiredly and sculled it. Exhaling afterward, she placed it on the table, and Marlene turned to Reno and grabbed one of his hands again, before exclaiming, "You're very cold."

Reno said nothing, instead looking at Cissnei, "I can't believe you don't remember, yo."

"Sometimes I feel like something is there," she replied, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and redirecting her gaze to the ceiling, "But I can never remember what. I'm not sure I would believe you if you told me, either. I'll have to remember myself."

"Well, do you remember someone called Tseng?" the slight twitch in her face indicated that somewhere beneath whatever blocked her memory, she did. He then looked to Marlene, who was nothing but smiles, "What're you so happy about?"

"I'm just happy you're back," Marlene replied, "That's all."

That hit him too. When did he become susceptible to emotions, he wondered. When did he lose the iron mask and the ways of the Turk – or did Cissnei's appearance shake him up so much that she was the only thing he could focus on? To make sure he protected her and that she got better?

Something else he noticed – although the ringing in his ears was still present, he felt... stable. Like the scales were trying to balance themselves and no longer wildly swaying from left to right for the first time in a very long time. The temporary relief was good, but it worried him. This was unlike him. He'd been like this since he was small.

He shrugged at her, "Thanks I guess."

Marlene patted his white hand before releasing it. She then grabbed the glass and headed back downstairs.

Reno spent the remainder of the day feeding Cissnei bits of information of their shared past in the hopes of awakening them. In the end, she asked him to stop, and she turned away, wincing at the wounds, and tried to get more sleep. Soon enough, he drifted off too.

* * *

When more days had passed, the Turk couldn't stand being in there all the time, but he was glad to see that Cissnei was able to get up and around now. He instead chose to sit outside in front of the Cosmo Candle, which was too bright for him and made him squint just to watch the damn thing.

Soon enough, Tifa joined him. She sat beside him and relished the warmth, "It's a charming little place, isn't it?" He said nothing, but she prattled on anyhow, "I liked coming here during our travels. I always felt welcomed."

Reno still said nothing. Instead, he watched his hands shake, and after a while, he laughed. When she looked at him quizzically, he lifted his hands up and showed her, "The shaking's back. I'm gonna be that unpredictable crazy shit again, yo. I'm glad. It was boring being sorta sane."

He placed his hands back on his knees and fondly ran his fingers over his electro-mag rod. He then noticed that another button on his sleeve was gone, and, agitated, he tore the other off so that they were even. He then rubbed his face with the back of his sleeve as Tifa spoke, "What turned you into this?"

"I told you – I was always like this. Your little hippie group wasn't around long enough to really see it," he replied, now moving to relace the shoelaces on both boots, because they were uneven as well.

She derailed the topic, instead talking about some good times she had with AVALANCHE when they weren't being chased by Shinra. As expected, Reno did not say a word and was not remorseful at all, much too enthralled by his shoelaces, "It always hurt a little when he would look at her instead of me, but I can understand. Aerith was interesting, and I'm boring."

"You're not boring," Reno countered immediately, working on the other boot.

Tifa smiled a little, "Compared to her I was. I mean, she was an Ancient – what _wasn't_ interesting about that?" the smile vanished straight away, "I just wish that I was a little less jealous, but admittedly, I was young. I've learnt from my mistakes."

"She's also dead."

"She might be dead, but I believe she's still around when we need her," she watched as Reno leant back and inspected his work. When he was satisfied, she noticed that his shirt was too far to the right, and that he would've picked up on it next in his random self-checking. She reached across and adjusted it for him, to his slight confusion, "Before you get pedantic about _that,_ too."

He looked at her blankly before looking back at the Cosmo Candle.

"How's your friend?"

"Doesn't remember a thing."

"Tell me about her."

So he told Tifa about when they first met, and how she was damn good at her job as a Turk and that it was she who was assigned to monitor Zack and Cloud in their journey to Midgar. He told her everything that he could remember himself, "The good thing is, she doesn't know what I know in regards to Shinra, so she's not of much interest to Sephiroth."

"You seem to care a lot about her."

"We were friends. She's like a little sister. If Yuffie suddenly forgot who the hell you were, I'm sure it'd hurt a bit, yo."

She smiled, "And you're capable of feeling, too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The iron mask, remember?" she stood and brushed the dirt from her rear and stretched thereafter, "The one you told me about earlier on. The one you have to wear close to your face as a Turk and not let anything sway you. You've done a good job of convincing me that you were heartless, Reno, up until now. You do feel."

"I'm not a monster," he murmured, staring into the flames.

"After all that time that we fought, it was hard to see you any other way. For that, I'm sorry."

He said nothing.

"Marlene really likes you," Tifa remarked, putting her arms behind her back and looking at him, leaning forward a little. Gravity tugged her hair downward, "And she worries about you, saying that you're sick. She keeps asking if there is a potion or a materia that will cure your sickness."

Reno laughed, standing as well, "Yeah, sick in the head."

Her smile grew. She reached for his hand, "Let's go back to the inn and see your friend."

Tifa's grip was warm, comforting, tight. Reno did not return the gesture.


	9. they without faith

Author's Note: I again wanna thank everyone for your support! Uni is starting up again so updates are going to slow down. For now, enjoy!

* * *

_**viii. they without faith**_

* * *

He spent an increasing amount of time with Tifa and grew to sort of enjoy her company. However, as the days passed, she became more skittish, and he was back to his normal, crazy self again, swearing that he could hear helicopters, and being woken up by the sound of 'imaginary' gunfire.

It was their last night at the Shildra Inn. Cissnei, whilst still not remembering her past clearly, grew to trust them all and was well enough to be moved to the Highwind and out of Cosmo Canyon. As it were, they were all ready to go in the morning, and she, Yuffie and Marlene had gone to sleep. Cid was doing the final checks on the ship.

The inn was empty, aside from the pair and the barkeep. Tifa wanted to give her a few tips, but she held her silence and enjoyed the Cosmo Candle drink that she was given. She watched as Reno inspected his glass for any cracks or chips, because he seemed to be uncomfortable drinking from them, for whatever reason. Just another piece of his finicky nature.

Although she had been speaking to him a lot in the past few days, she did not learn anything new about him, and that made her uneasy. How could someone talk so much and yet reveal nothing? She had told him about her early life and he was generally unresponsive, and yet when she asked, he would never say anything about himself.

"Marlene's getting better at summoning, yo," Reno began, running his fingers around the rim of the glass. He huffed and bounced his leg, glancing at the martial artist, "She can actually conjure Bahamut for a few moments before he fades. The kid needs more practice but I think she'll be good to fight soon."

"She's not going to fight with us," Tifa hissed firmly.

And as always, he laughed, "You know what I'm trying to say."

Tifa rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples. She knew that Marlene needed to know how to defend herself, but that didn't mean she was completely comfortable with the child learning how to summon. It was a tough job – besides, what if Bahamut turned on her? It was something she didn't want to think about.

What was worse was that she knew that, if Marlene was able to learn how to regularly summon, she would be another asset, like Reno. An ally with the power to help bring back the days of the sun, where there was relative peace and no fear of the One Winged Angel.

Reno suddenly shoved her shoulder. Tifa looked back incredulously, "What?"

"You had worry lines on your face. Stop fuckin' worrying."

The harshness of his comment made her stop. Her shoulders slouched forward and she silently sighed. It was hard not to worry. It really was.

"...I like that you don't judge me," he remarked slowly, pushing the glass back to the barkeep and asking for another Cosmo Candle beverage. It smelt like alcohol, it tasted like alcohol, and it was a welcome change. She watched him, "Makes me feel like you have a bit of faith in what I know and what I can do, yo."

When he tried to raise the refilled glass to his mouth, he found that his hand was trembling far too much. The liquid was sloshing around in its confinement, and he was bound to spill it – so he put it down and waited for the shakes to somewhat settle. He laughed.

Tifa smiled a little at his deranged amusement, "You're like a wild scale, Reno. One minute you're alright. You're calm, thoughtful and human. The next, you're irate, inconsiderate and monstrous. Regardless of your 'sickness' and behind your 'iron mask', I'd like to think that you're trying to find a balance – that is what I have faith in."

He laughed, and she couldn't tell if it was at her, at himself, or at nothing. He finally managed to pick up the glass without trembling as much, and, victoriously, he took a long gulp. Once done, he looked to the martial artist, the corner of his lip curving upward, "There's something you're not telling me, yo."

"You're holding out on me too," she replied softly, looking down to her own drink.

It must've been the drink messing with his head a little, but when he looked around the vicinity and found that it was still entirely empty, he leant forward and murmured against her ear, "I'll tell if you do."

If he were a little more observant, a little less unfocused, he would've noticed that before Tifa nodded, she hesitated for several long moments. As it was, the drink was much too interesting to him, and he scratched the side of his face because the ringing, as always, remained, "There's a two things that Sephiroth's mainly interested in when it comes to me.

"The first is codes and passwords. Did you know that before meteor happened, the scientific division was working on something top secret?" he paused, "Wait, let me clarify – top secret in regards to _Sephiroth?_ Yo, and they were almost done. All the research was done, tests were being carried out on small creatures, and yeah. They were workin' on something to break his molecular structure, so that he _literally_ didn't exist. How crazy is that?"

Tifa hid her true emotions well. She didn't know whether to believe him.

"What this serum thing would do is break down the mako and Jenova cells in whoever it was injected into. So in theory, it could take apart SOLDIERs – but they were gonna use it on Sephiroth. He wants the codes to research so he can either change the contents, or get rid of 'em altogether, yo. Everyone else that knew this information is dead, either by their own hand or his.

"This was only a second resort, though. Somethin' that powerful was also really risky. There's something else the scientists were gonna attempt first, because 'breaking molecular structures' is tricky shit. I wouldn't know though, that's not exactly my department... But this is where the second piece of information is!"

And for a true dramatic effect, he leaned back in, his cracked lips brushing against Tifa's earlobe, and she _shivered_.

"I know where the last WEAPONs are."

She froze, "The WEAPONs?"

He smiled, and it was genuine, "All three of them."

"_You_ know where the WEAPONs are? The creatures of the Planet, designed to kill Jenova or any other major threat?" she turned in her seat and looked as he asked for another drink, because it made him feel 'warmer than I've been inside in years', "They wanted to use them against Sephiroth?"

He nodded, cursing thereafter because he realised that one of his fingernails had broken. And so, he began to bite the rest of them to the same length, speaking as he did so, "The plan was to direct the WEAPONs to Sephiroth. Two years ago, they couldn't sense him, hence the rampage. Now, it could be different, but they weren't certain."

The information was almost overwhelming. She ran her fingers through her hair and took a large gulp of her drink before exhaling, "Well, I can see why he wants you dead. How long were you going to keep those secrets? When were you going to tell me this?"

"When I knew that you had faith in me," Reno answered.

He pulled his hand away from his mouth, observed his fingers and, satisfied, moved them to smooth out the wrinkles in his pants. He looked to Tifa, whose face was growing paler by the second. He furrowed his eyebrows, "I've told my secret, now you tell me yours."

He watched her tuck some of her hair behind her ear, and paid no mind to how she would only look at the table before her. She sat a little taller and spoke, knowing that what she would tell him would change things. Still, the letters fell easily from her mouth, "Cloud's alive."

From the corner of her eye, she saw nothing cross his features.

"Once meteor was stopped," Tifa began, rolling her shoulders back, "Sephiroth was understandably furious. I don't know what he specifically did, but soon enough, Cloud was under his control, like a puppet... I think it might have something to do with their shared cells," she took a deep breath in, "After that, some of the others were killed, and they everyone fled the Northern Crater. Cloud is posted as a remnant somewhere on the Planet, and I don't know where..."

Her throat felt as though it was closing up. Losing her friends was a toll on her heart – not knowing where she could save another felt as though it were eating her alive.

Beside her, Reno remained silent; but inwardly, he was furious.

Their secrets were different. His was information, a key to executing a plan. Whether that could be achieved or not was entirely out of his hands. He wasn't strong enough, and he knew it. The only one who had a bit of Cloud's strength was the woman beside him, who rubbed her eyes and was breaking faster than his own mind.

_Her_ secret, though – _her secret_ was a bigger one. One of the supposed strongest fighters to ever live, the only living person who had a legitimate shot against bringing down Sephiroth and his veil of hated order, survived. The person who could _use_ the information he had was still breathing. The mercenary of Midgar, the hero of the Planet was alive and well, but out of his right mind. As if there was such a thing as a 'right mind' to begin with... right?

Reno's hands shook violently.

"I don't know where he is," she echoed solemnly, more to herself than anybody else.

He fought to contain the laughter, he fought to contain the surge of insanity, but he wasn't strong enough. He laughed. He laughed so hard that tears fell from his eyes as he threw the glass onto the ground, much to the surprise of the two remaining people in the room. He laughed so hard that his stomach ached, that he found it difficult to breathe; but none of this was fucking funny at all.

He thought about the people of merit who had died during this entire ordeal. He thought about the people that were still alive – and _none_ of them held a candle to those who had fallen into the Lifestream. In honesty, in quality, or in talent. Reno was only a shadow of the Turks. Tifa was only a shadow of Aerith. And Cloud, that _fucking_ Cloud, was only a shadow of Zack.

He grabbed the stool he'd been sitting on and then threw it against the wall, watching as it left quite an impact. But when he realised there was no sound, he stopped and just stared at the shattered mirror gazing back at him. He scratched his cheek, and there was no noise. He pulled at his sleeves, and there was no rustle.

So he waited. He stood there in the middle of the room and waited for the sound to come back to him. Even as Tifa presumably apologised for the damage and began to clean up in his stead, more than likely reasoning that he was sick, _sick, sick;_ he waited to hear again. He waited to hear the sound of metal, the sound of breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

It never came.

"I'm deaf," he announced, hands still shaking, and mind still so unbalanced.

Tifa looked at him and rose from her kneeling position. She snapped her fingers on either side of his head and saw no reaction. A frown formed on her features – at least she had the _decency_ to look ashamed – she took his hand and moved to lead him up the stairs. Instead, he ripped it from her grip.

He patted his hand to be rid of the echo of Tifa's touch, as though it were dirt, and growled, not hearing himself but knowing what he was saying, "Your secret's a lot bigger than mine, yo. I wonder when _you_ were going to tell me, because I never doubted you. Not once."

All thoughts of heroism, of restoring order, vanished into the Cosmo Canyon night. They were replaced with chaotic anger.


	10. he who breaks

_**ix. he who breaks**_

* * *

There was nowhere else to hide. Not in his mind, and nowhere on the Planet.

There was nowhere else to run. No corner to back himself into, no place he could run to if he closed his eyes.

Cid chose to hide on Cactus Island. They were aware of the dangers outside, and so they remained in the airship. Marlene would practice summoning on the deck, ordering Bahamut to strike whatever passed outside. She could maintain the beast quite well. Yuffie, though, showed annoyance at the material being taken from underneath her nose, proclaiming, "You could've just asked; I would've given it to you!"

A lie through her teeth.

Reno, who could hear again, turned away from the scene and headed to the operation room, where he intended to hide away from Tifa. He refused to look or speak to her in the days that had followed, instead choosing only to be with Cissnei or check up on Marlene. The split was noticed, but largely ignored by Cid and Yuffie, who thought it was for the better.

"He's a bad man," Cid growled one day, stubbing out his cigarette beneath his mighty boot, "What he's done to us, we can't forget. Not two years on, not twenty years on, and not for whatever deed he does for the Planet. I can't fuckin' believe you're so stupid, Tifa."

Of course, he heard everything, but as always, chose to ignore it, instead tending to Cissnei if she had a problem. At one point he swore she almost remembered something, so that cheered him up temporarily. Bottling things up were never good, Marlene mentioned, but he ignored it, because what would she know? She's a fucking child. She's lived a good life with – with _good people_ – and she's not _sick._

If Rude was here, then he would reply with something that'd annoy him, something like, "Then she has a better idea of it than _you_ do, yo."

What.

"Look at me," he began, voice descending into another fit of laughter, "I'm fuckin' talking to myself."

Sleep was not easy. It was turbulent. The airship groaned occasionally against the wind, and the ringing in his ears was as relentless as ever, and present in his nightmarish memories. He kept shifting from one position to the other, and was always half-woken by his own movements. All of his dreams were about the Turks, and even when he decided to lose sleep and stay awake to avoid remembering, his mind, his stupid, crazy mind would not allow it.

Cissnei would wake him if they got too bad, smoothing hair from his eyes. Sometimes it helped. Other times he felt worse, because he wasn't there to protect her. Another failure.

He saw things that happened, and things that could've occurred. He saw himself being interrogated by Sephiroth, missing a limb. He saw Tseng and Elena recovering from AVALANCHE's attacks. He saw fire swallow many Shinra rooms, and inevitably Rufus – and then in a twist in his demented mind, he had entered and seen a charred corpse. But he knew that Rufus had escaped, at least until Sephiroth seized control.

He saw famine. War. Hate. He saw himself and Cissnei be chased to the very ends of the earth, captured and tortured again. She died before him, for she was practically useless and knew nothing. But that didn't stop the fear ripping through her eyes as they catapulted from their sockets.

Maybe when everything was over, he should see a psychiatrist.

And then he laughed.

Before Marlene... before Tifa and all of this bullshit about cohesively trying to stop Sephiroth that occurred, he had no nightmares. They did not visit him as he slept, and memories did not traumatise him. That's why it had been so easy to move past their deaths just like those he and they had killed before. Because _it was nothing._

And now Tifa told him that Cloud lived. That those deaths... _were nothing._

That man was not here to make their deaths meaningful. That stupid, _fucking clone_ was not here to make the difference everyone needed; and as much as he hated him, hated that he himself could never really make a difference, _he knew_ that somehow they had to find him. After all, it was only Cloud who ever really had the power to make a difference.

_To make a difference._

A chill crawled up Reno's spine until it reached the base of his skull. The feeling remained, causing Reno to reach around behind his head and scratch at the skin to try and get rid of it. Instead, it slid down his arms, to the tips of his fingers until they trembled and he saw fit to punch the ground. Nothing changed.

"A new symptom?"

Reno glanced up for a fraction of a second, finding the shadow of Marlene was not far away from him. He clenched the fist he had hurled into the metal, hearing the knuckles crack and feeling the muscles squish around and give way, "No." At least, he didn't think so, and he was in no mood to answer to a child.

"Tifa told me what your sickness was," she continued, approaching with feather-light feet. The shadow gradually grew over him the closer she got, "Or at least, she tried to explain it to me as best as she could. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

Marlene nodded for a moment before watching him carefully. Now that it had been explained, she could see that compared to everyone else she was familiar with, he really was... _different._ She spoke carefully, aware that she was treading on dangerous ground; but it had to be said, and she knew that nobody else would, "I think you're doing this to yourself. As punishment for not being able to help those you cared about."

He twisted his knuckles into the floor.

"What I mean is... You... never stopped to mourn them and let go of your sadness. You just kept going, because surviving is all you know how to do," she offered him a small smile, "Your sadness is ma... manifesting into this insanity. Holding everything in will just make it worse over time until you don't know yourself anymore."

Well, he hadn't known himself for many years already. But what was more frustrating was that Marlene was scarily accurate, and making _way_ too much sense for him to be comfortable. He dragged his knuckles across the ground and raised them, thereafter inspecting them. They were dirty and a little bloody, grazed from the pattern on the floor.

"See, you're doing it again," she chimed, approaching and pointing at him, "You're holding it in. Please let it go."

What gave him away, he wondered – at least until through the heightening ringing and the sound of her voice he noted that his breathing was ragged and harsh. He noted that his teeth were pressing together with an impossibly tight strength. He noted that the fist he was holding near his face was trembling, and it was swarming through to the rest of his body.

She came closer, her voice growing softer with every word, "You can overcome this. I believe in you."

He lost control, then. He saw red. He heard voices in his mind, many that he did not know, and few that he did. And they were all saying the same things, the same _demeaning_ things – _how can she talk about _belief _and _faith_ – in _you_, no less?! How can she talk about moving past everything you have ever seen? Everything you have ever known? Everything you have ever _done?!

Reno stood and hit her across the face with an open hand. Marlene cried out, stunned.

His blue eyes glanced at the door, where he saw Tifa dart across the room and punch him in the stomach. A kick to his ribcage followed, and another to his leg – she was too fast for him and he couldn't defend himself. If he weren't inflamed with his pathetic emotions, maybe he could've, like the Turk he was trained to be. But he wasn't focusing on her anyway – Tifa _was boring._

He was thereafter thrown against the wall, and her forearm was pressed against his throat. Despite this, despite Yuffie coming in and checking over a crying Marlene, he was still struggling to get to her, as though she was the enemy. To him right now there was no difference between that tiny, fragile girl and the man who was ruling the world. _No difference._

But there should've been.

_Stop,_ Rude would've begged.

He cracked.

"You don't know _anything_..." Reno growled at the child, "What I've seen. What I've ordered. What I've done. What I've been through. You're just a naive, _stupid_ fucking child! Newsflash, kid – I'm _not_ who you think I am! You _can't_ fucking fix me! I'm _not_ the person to put your goddamn grubby faith in!"

Marlene continued to cry, even as she was finally led away by Yuffie. Once she was out of the room, he redirected his gaze at Tifa. The pain in her eyes was apparent – and it was only when he gazed for long enough, when he felt her forearm tremble did he realise _exactly_ what he had done.

The cracks grew. He began to panic. The air became much too thick.

"Let's be clear here," Tifa began coldly, pushing harder before letting go entirely. With her eyebrows furrowed, she pulled down on the gloves on her hands and shifted her weight onto the opposite leg, "You just pushed away the only person on this entire ship that legitimately cares about you. And why? Because she showed you your true self. Your _rotten_ heart."

As she turned and began to walk away, he choked, "I don't know what happened."

"You are _no_ different to who you once were!" she seethed, slamming the door closed behind her.

"I never claimed to be," he replied to no one.

There was a brief reprieve from the sounds he could hear in his head. The room was too quiet. The silence was very unfamiliar and unwelcome – for once, the distraction of those delusional noises would've been a nice thing to focus on. Instead, he could only feel the weight of his failure drape over his shoulders and push him down into the earth.

Yes, he failed Shinra. He failed Rude, Tseng, Elena and Rufus. He failed Cissnei, even. He failed every Turk, those who left before Meteorfall and those who remained hidden away. He failed the citizens of the Planet, both in assistance and protection. He failed to better himself. He failed to change.

Truly, Reno could do nothing right; and now, more than ever, he doubted that he ever could.

And after so long, he shattered.


	11. they who wait

_**x. they who wait**_

* * *

He was surprised that they'd not voted him off the Highwind. They kept him despite what he'd done and how he continued to descend into nothingness. And if he was honest – a rare feeling indeed – he was grateful that they let him stay. That he had a potential opportunity to still put his knowledge to use.

_Grateful. _He hated that he was changing, or at least... _feeling_ more.

It was ridiculous, it was disgusting, horrid, awful, _foreign._

A phone call came one day. The ringtone ripped through the bridge. Reactions were varied – Cissnei appeared momentarily frightened, for it shattered the silence she enjoyed. Marlene patted her hand and redirected her gaze to Cid and Yuffie, who looked expectantly at Tifa. Reno was not phased, instead gazing out the window as the martial artist answered cautiously, "Hello?"

"Oh good, you're still alive."

If Reno had been watching Tifa, he would've seen her dark eyebrows go sky high. He would've found it amusing. Perhaps even very endearing. As it was, he continued to watch the world outside, listening to her sharp intake of breath and then her bewildered shout, "Reeve? Is that you?"

Ah, Tuesti.

"It's good to hear from you," the voice was much louder, indicating to him that the conversation was now placed on speaker for all to hear. The relief in the man's voice made the Turk pay more attention, "I feared the worst when I went to my favourite bar for a drink. I'm sorry to see that things have had to change."

Yuffie's high-pitched, _grating_ voice soon sounded, "How did you find us?! That's a new phone, not Tifa's old one!"

"Tifa informed me of her new number prior to your leaving of Gongaga. It seems she memorised mine, just as she memorised how I like my martinis," and then there was a soft laugh from all, and it confused him all the more.

What was Tuesti doing, talking to AVALANCHE as if he knew them?

"I must get straight to business, though," Reeve began. It sounded as though he clapped his hands together, or slammed a book on the table, "I am at home currently, so I'm safe from eavesdropping. The Remnants know where you are hiding again, so I advise you start moving. They will be leaving tonight to reach you."

Cid massaged his temples and swallowed a profanity for the sake of Marlene, "Is there nowhere we can hide safely?"

"I would advise travelling to what remains of Mideel," he cleared his throat, "A few people have returned to try and live there, and they are known to be silent. It would be a good place to hide. No one really goes there. Not even the Remnants."

...Come to think of it, Reeve had been rather suspicious in the events leading up to Sephiroth's victory. He should've seen it earlier and known that he was with AVALANCHE. A traitor to Shinra – did he ever really care for the company? Or was he always one of _them? _He sighed, agitated.

Tifa ran her fingers through her hair and looked to Cid, nodding as he dashed to the controls and powered up the Highwind, "Right, we'll head there now. Cid, try to keep the ship low," and then she was redirecting her attention to Reeve, "I was wondering... if you knew of any news of Gongaga's residents?"

"All dead," he answered.

A sadness filled the room – for all but Reno – and it weighed them down heavily. The Fairs had been so helpful to them, they all had... Unnecessary casualties in a war that was going on _far_ too long. Well then, the scales of the battle would one day tip to _their_ favour.

"Tifa," Reeve sounded, "I was wondering who else was with you. I have heard rumours."

And for the first time in a while, Tifa looked a Reno, and he looked back. She bit her lip as he continued to stare, living but lifeless, and somewhere in between. He turned to face her wholly, and the action caused her to look away, tucking some of her dark hair behind her ear. But before she had the chance to speak, he interjected, swinging the rod over his shoulder, "Me and Cissnei, yo."

"Re - Cissnei? You found her?"

"Yeah."

It must've been that stupid doll.

Reeve could not hide the delight in his voice thereafter, saying how it was nice to see that the one with the knowledge was still alive, but more importantly that they were not as few-numbered as he initially thought. He proudly said that he couldn't think of more capable people to find Cloud and bring down Sephiroth, and that he would assist any way he could.

It was that stupid doll.

The dial tone was most welcome.

* * *

Yuffie had been with him in the operation room when she, despite herself, vomited in his favourite corner as the ship creaked and swayed.

"Eughhh!" she shrieked thereafter, jumping several steps back only to feel queasy once again. Reno made no move to comfort her and instead promptly decided that his new corner would be at the furthest point away from his former corner. Of course, while he had been calculating that, she had been droning on about something or other, and he could not hear her very well above the ringing.

"Did you hear me?" she suddenly quipped, briefly earning his attention.

"I wasn't listening," and he didn't care.

Yuffie rolled her eyes and tried to straighten up. She covered her mouth for a moment before she began to walk to the door, hoping to find a bucket and a mop – or more preferably, a toothbrush, "I said you should apologise to Marlene."

And why should he, he surmised once she left. Yeah, he did something bad, but he was a bad person. The kid stuck her nose in stuff she shouldn't have. He was a bad influence on someone so good. Besides, she was already moulded into a goody-two shoes thanks to that – that – _love_ thing that he had never understood.

And as he settled into his new, small corner, he began to remember small things that she would do. Hold his hand. Pat his knee. _Touch him_ when so many others thought he was diseased and should be left alone – and rightly so. She really... She really did have faith in him.

She had faith in him when he had none for himself.

The wishful dreams of a child.

Someone else touched him, then, amidst his thinking. He jumped from his position, rod at the ready, but he calmed once he noticed it was Cissnei. Cissnei, with her large and hopeful eyes, and she placed her hand back onto his forehead and moved the lingering hair away, "I came to tell you that I remember something. It's not much... There's some stuff about wings..."

But when she began to tell him, the ringing was so loud that he could not hear. So he just watched her describe, watched her move, watched as she clasped her hands together and smiled; and then sound returned, "...but you held me for a little while as I cried. I remember you felt a little stiff and uncomfortable but it seemed as though you were trying. I wish I remembered why I was so sad after that mission."

Whatever turned in him after that was for the worse, even as her smile widened and she patted his shoulder boyishly, "I just wanted to come and thank you for making me feel better then, and for rescuing me from those two people at the prison. I hear what they all say, and for all I really know there are parts that are true – but so are the parts that I remember and I have seen."

More... _faith._

"Tifa told me that it will be a few hours until we reach Mideel. Maybe you should get some rest. The sun will set when we arrive, and we should use the cover of darkness to find somewhere to hide."

Reno remained quiet even as she left the room. It was when he could no longer hear the echo of her footsteps outside did he snap from such a stoic stance and throw the electro-mag rod against the opposite wall.

She had vaguely remembered Zack.

"All for the heroes, none for the survivors," Reno hissed and spluttered, a fist trembling as he glared at the small dent in the wall as though it had personally offended or harmed him or the Turks, "No parade, no help, no remembrance for the survivors; _no love_ for the survivors."

He began to laugh. Softly, at first, and then it became louder, higher, and he choked.

That chill crawled up his back again and nagged him at the bottom of his skull. He clawed at it, and as he did, the ringing got louder. He heard faint explosions, Marlene's sobbing and the sound of Tifa's fists and feet slamming into his frail body. The sound of his control snapping like ribs, and Rude, the sound of his hand grabbing his shirt and telling him just to fucking _stop_.

If he lived, and when this was all over – maybe he _really_ should get help.

For some reason, that made him laugh harder today than ever.

Yuffie quirked an eyebrow and tightened her grip on the mop and bucket as she re-entered.

* * *

Mideel was a dump. Well, it was a dump to begin with, but now it was _really_ a dump.

There were eight people, excluding the rag-and-tag AVALANCHE, who inhabited the island at this point. Most were builders who had come to try and rebuild homes. It seemed that they hoped that some of those from Midgar or Edge would like to come and settle here.

"There's been warnings about you lot," one remarked gruffly, "'Threats to the people' and all that junk. He wants you beheaded in front of the world to stamp out the very idea of 'hope'," a finger lazily pointed at Tifa before moving on to Reno, "You alive, but for what purpose I do not know," and then a hand waving at the rest, "and the rest of you dead."

Another chimed in merrily, "He's starting to lose his mind by the sounds of it! You possess his every thought."

And not another word was said.

"Don't worry, Tifa," Cid began, chewing on the end of a twig, for he lacked a cigarette, "I'll stick him with my spear before he or one of his fuckin' lackeys lays a damn finger on you."

She appreciated the remark, but instead huddled a little closer to the glowing fire. Some fresh air would be good, they reasoned, before they went back into the Highwind to sleep. The builders primarily kept away from them. She glanced up ahead to find Marlene practicing summoning, and true to his word, Reno remained nearby, watching, even though neither had spoken to one another since –

- he was such a coward.

What was he thinking about anyway, over there beside the tree? Didn't he feel remotely guilty for lashing out at such a small child? Marlene later explained that perhaps she had struck a nerve – well he deserved it. He deserved that and everything else that was wrong with him.

"He's not as bad as you think," Cissnei interjected, as though she had read the martial artist's mind.

"Well he is yet to prove it to me and to us," she hissed back, her head snapping back to the direction of the fire. It was as though her minds had blocked out the few good deeds he had done already, simply because he was an oddity and not so different from the man that had hunted them down like beasts.

"And since when does he have to prove anything?" Cissnei replied sharply, "You know he's not well and –"

And Reno called for her, because it was not the time to have this conversation, and he didn't want her reputation tarnished with it. She joined him quickly, asking if he needed anything, and he noted that she had become a lot more interested in him than the mission that they all shared, like she wanted to try and make him better.

Like Marlene.

"Don't drag yourself down in their eyes. You understand?" he murmured; because he had seen them for many years, and it always took time for them to accept people in their group well and truly. He knew he would probably never be trusted, but she had the chance at that protection, at that care that he lacked and did not understand. They were all bad men and women in their own ways.

"I'm not going to 'wait' for them to accept you when they please," Cissnei retorted, folding her arms and watching as Marlene commanded Bahamut to move overhead, "I'm not going to wait for the scales to stop moving, for their judgement to go over you on _their_ terms. They don't know you."

"And you don't either," Reno responded with a softness he did not recognise. He turned his attention from Marlene to the person beside him, watching as the realisation truly hit her. Despite what she vaguely recalled, what she had seen... no, she did not know him. And if she guessed correctly, she never did.

His blue eyes shifted from Cissnei to Marlene, watching as she watched him intently; but a scowl quickly appeared on his face without meaning, and she passed them both to sit beside Tifa. He watched Cissnei join them, but his eyes remained focus on Tifa, who tilted her head back a little, as though there were a question she wanted to ask.

For now, the question could wait.


	12. she who asks

_**xi. she who asks**_

* * *

Reno had been helping some of the builders when he noticed Marlene sitting on a large boulder, watching him. It wasn't an outright notice – rather he had spotted her from the corner of his eyes. And like the ringing in his ears, he continued to ignore her as the hairiest builder asked for this tool and that material.

When they all chose to take a break, it was then that he walked past Marlene, who softly called out, "Why are you helping them?"

And like his response to Tifa long ago about the Fairs, he could have told her the truth, which was that he was extremely bored. Instead, he let her believe the lie that left his lips, the truth that she wanted to hear after he laughed, "Felt sorry for 'em, so I thought I'd help out."

The builders heard, and they narrowed their eyes. _Pity._ It was because of _pity._

Before him, Marlene smiled. Despite himself, Reno felt something within him stir, though it did not manifest to his face. He forcibly shook his hand once to rid it of tremors before daring to approach the child, who to his surprise did not shrink back. She began to speak, even as he stood before her and lowered himself to her level, "Well, you're doing more than the others are. They keep talking about plans and stuff. I don't understand much of it."

"Marlene," Reno gripped his knees tightly, "You know that I –"

Before he could go further, Marlene's tiny hands rested atop his gently. She attempted to hold them, but his fingers were dug too deeply into his knees, "I _know_ you're _sick,_ Reno. I know that it was wrong, and I know you didn't mean for it to happen. Please stop holding that in too."

He could not say much for a few moments, instead diverting his eyes from her face, choosing to look at his feet. They were dirty, muddy, and he wanted nothing more than to clean them. A part of him desired to laugh loudly – that he felt... well, _bad_ over what happened, and she seemed all too happy to forgive him. She just wanted him to come to her when he was ready... even though what he had done was _wrong._ Even though _he _was so damn _wrong_.

His vision was distorted. The ground seemed to blur.

"Will you tell me about your friends?" Marlene inquired softly, "Please?"

The Turk hesitated for many long, gruelling moments, eyebrows furrowing to make sure he heard her correctly through the ringing, before pulling Marlene up, "Away from everyone."

As they walked away, they could hear the builders resuming work. Marlene glanced around the vicinity, noting that everyone else was in the Highwind, leaving them both alone. If she was going to help Reno overcome his insanity, then he needed to talk – and if he wanted it to be just between them, then that's what she would make happen.

She tightened her grip on his pasty, bony hand as it shook. They eventually came to the shoreline, where they sat in the sand. Reno pulled his hand away and began to trace a single line repeatedly in the sand for something to focus on. It was damp, but it made way for the trail.

There was such silence that for once, Reno realised he could hear himself think properly. There were no gunshots, no ringing, no strange voices. And as he thought, his mouth went dry and he said, "I don't know where to begin. Maybe you could ask questions."

She asked small things at first, like names, what they looked like – she very vaguely remembered Rude, but it had been more or less based on Tifa's descriptions. He spoke of missions they did together and consciously chose to leave out the nitty gritty details of it, to spare her mind and his own image. Not that there had been much of it to protect.

"I've done bad things, Marlene," Reno croaked, raising his hands to massage his temples; all he could feel were the soft tremors from his fingertips, "Terrible things."

And they were terrible, and he knew it – but to him, it didn't feel... wrong. And he knew that _that_ was wrong too. He was only doing his job, what he was instructed to do – _you take no one alive and protect the company's interests._ Well, that was what he had done most of the time anyhow.

The ringing spiked. It echoed, high pitched and piercing. He raised a hand, distantly catching Marlene's form shrinking back for a fraction of a moment; and he placed it to his head and clawed the side of his face. He laughed soundlessly.

"You're still trying to make up for it, and that's what counts! Or else, you wouldn't be here, would you?"

_Was_ he trying to make up for it? Was he trying to repent for what he had done to the Planet and its citizens through Shinra? Or was he _really_ here because being with AVALANCHE was his best chance at survival? Was it even about killing Sephiroth and the remnants in the end, about seeing the sun again?

Bile, stinging and weakening, clawed its way up his throat. He forced it down, starting at the line in the sand he had drawn, "You know sometimes I wish I had been killed with them? Not because I hate myself or any of that other junk, but because it'd just stop that damn _ringing._ I could get some goddamn _reprieve_ if I were dead!"

He laughed. Marlene did not.

By the time Marlene looked back to his face, she noted that it was whiter than usual and that the frown was deep. What caught her attention more, though, was his repetitive blinking, as though he were trying to clear his vision and see properly. Her face brightened when she watched as the hand beside his face moved to his eyes, swatting away at the water that began to form and slowly fall. The movements became vicious, then, as he clawed at the skin beneath his eyes until they were red.

"It's okay to cry," Marlene said.

"No its not," Reno countered immediately; his voice juxtaposed his visual state, "I'm a Turk. I should act like one."

And she wondered for the longest time how he justified surviving, how he lived between life and death, like a ghost. How he justified never allowing for a sliver of emotion or remorse in the face of his targets, his friends, _himself._ She could not imagine holding in such grief and pain. Even if she rarely voiced her own distress from her Father's death, she at least would admit it to herself and release it alone. He, on the other hand, would not.

"It never stops, you know," Reno began, looking out to the still water, "The ringing, I mean. I've had it since I was your age. It just keeps on going, from one ear to the other. Sometimes it's so high that it sounds like an endless shriek, yo. Other times it fills my ears so much that I can't hear anything else, not even my own thoughts. If I were dead, I'd at least have some peace.

"I'd do all sorts of things to try and get it to stop. I tried drinking as much coffee as possible. That made it worse, actually. I took more missions so I had a distraction, but it'd always be there. I would deliberately stand in the middle of gunfire so that it could overpower that damn sound – but it didn't always work," he paused for a moment, glad that those useless emotions had gone, and that he could see clearly again, "I've even killed just to get it to try and stop."

"Innocents?" she breathed.

"Many!" and then he laughed as if it were nothing, because it was nothing to him. He then looked to Marlene almost as though he took pride in the amount of life he had stolen from people, and he all but forgot he was speaking with someone who had seen several years less than him, "Sometimes I'd go into one of the lower sectors and blast out a family with bombs. Rude would try to coax me out of it but I couldn't always hear him. But sometimes, I could; sometimes he would _scream_ 'stop', and sometimes, I would. But not always.

"Rude was my rock, Marlene. They all were in a way, but Rude really got it. He didn't have the ringing, or the shakes, or the insanity, but he understood. We'd spent many nights talking about it, and about why I'd just lose it and go on such a rampage; until he understood that sometimes... _I needed_ that, no matter how wrong it was. He was like a brother to me," and as he looked away from Marlene, he reminded himself that Rude always would be, "The Turks were the family I never had and I failed each and every one of them."

"You can't keep blaming yourself, you know. These things happen... You can't take them back. You wouldn't have known that Sephiroth was going to kill them, so there was little you could've done. So why are you blaming yourself like this and making yourself sicker?"

Reno pondered on that for a long time. The only answer he could come up with, to himself, was that he felt guilty. That he was a much more damaged, _fragile_ thing compared to the rest of the Turks, of his friends and family – and yet he was the only one to survive, until he found Cissnei. They all had a chance at managing their lives and bettering themselves, at getting past their sicknesses. He knew he had no chance.

Tseng had insomnia and control problems. He would never sleep out of fear of losing control on his life, and on the situation around him. That's why every morning, Reno would bring him a coffee. Tseng never told him, and in turn, he never told Tseng about his own issues. Veld, from what he could recall, was similar. The habit must've carried over.

Elena had a major inferiority complex. She always compared herself to her sister, as did the rest of the Turks, either from the inner circle or the outer. She was worse than her sister, but Reno always had to remember, as difficult as it was, that she was the newest recruit. To cope, Elena smoked, even in the office when it wasn't allowed. If Tseng were away though, and Reno were left in charge, he would allow it. She never had to tell him, for it was clear for all to see.

Rude was not like the others, for his head was screwed onto his shoulders well. The only thing that Reno noted would be that if Rude could not cope with his emotions or the situation, he would drink until he passed out. Many times Reno had dragged Rude from a bar and back to his apartment, letting him sleep wherever. Many times they got drunk together. And then there were the times where they would both turn up at work, still shitfaced and unstable. Rude had trouble dealing with his emotions, but in the end, didn't everyone?

Cissnei... was the most normal. Sometimes she would focus too hard on her work, or not at all. But from what he saw and understood, Cissnei was not affected by any condition that was out of the ordinary. She was not a drunkard, or a caffeine or nicotine addict; Cissnei could always cope. At least until her emotions for Zack got in the way. Then things became harder, and he subconsciously clenched his fists at the memory.

Then there was him. The one who would kill just to stop some psychotic noise in his riddled brain. The one who would sometimes bum a smoke off of Elena or threaten to rat her out to Tseng the next day. The one who would laugh at everything, at anything, especially the most inappropriate things. The one who would steal from the company, and yet would throw himself head first into defending it. The one who imagined things. The one who would go deaf every so often, who could not be tamed by any but Rude. The one who was so fucking dangerous that they would only send him on the worst missions more often than not.

He'd ruined so many lives.

"Tifa and the others are right, Marlene. I'm a bad man," Reno remarked, smearing the line in the sand; and then his tone shifted into a sincere one, "But I was doing only... what I felt was right to survive." And every single bit of it was wrong.

He scratched at the skin beneath his eyes again, willing the tears to fuck right off and not come back. He would mourn in his own time. For each member and for those that he could barely remember, that had scattered and possibly perished during Meteorfall. But that time was not now, and maybe it would never come – but this _weakness_ needed to stop.

His thoughts soon became clouded by ringing. He sat up a little taller, exhaled noisily and took his nails away from his eyes, sliding the pads of his fingers down his face until they fell away and dangled over his knees. His focus was to help return light to the world; there would be time to grieve after, however that would be.

When Reno looked back to Marlene, he furrowed his eyebrows. Her left hand was splayed, her palm facing up, and with her other hand, she was pretending to write on it as though she were a counsellor. He did not understand this, a childish game or display, and it was strange to see Marlene show such youthfulness – but she was six, after all. She soon nodded to herself and looked up to Reno with a large, wide smile, "Are you okay?"

The Turk shrugged and licked his thumb, moving it to clean dirt from the back of his hand, "As okay as I'll ever be, yo."

"Good. Then we're going back to the airship for some rest and relaxation!" She leapt to her feet, reaching for Reno's hand as she did. He offered it to her freely and felt something warm and good flicker behind his reimposed iron mask.


	13. he who spins

_**xii. he who spins**_

* * *

"Where are they?"

The question about the WEAPONs was so bland and out of the blue – and in front of everyone, no less – that Reno had to do a double take. Tifa _smiled_ at him, and it was an... honest one, it seemed. He countered with furrowing eyebrows and an unspoken question, an uncertainty – why did she not ask when it was just the two of them?

Oh, but then it sunk in. A chance to prove that he was still willing to fight and that he, despite every filthy shadow from his past, wanted to do the right thing. Tifa would've noticed Marlene return to Reno's side, buzzing about and holding his hand; and she would've noticed more so that he did relent and just let it happen. He did not fight.

"Do you have faith in me?" Reno asked a little shakily, and then he inwardly and savagely berated himself for the weakness in his voice. Weakness had no place in the survivors, and it would be his downfall. He placed his electro-mag rod on the ground beside him, away from Marlene.

His head felt like it was spinning. Was that good, or bad?

By now with such a small exchange they had gathered the attention of the rest of the group. Cid was scratching his cheek with his blunted nails, with Yuffie hovering nearby. Cissnei was on her own, quirking a thin eyebrow. Marlene tightened her grip on his hand with both of her smaller ones, but he did not return it.

"I do," Tifa finally admitted, thereafter adding hastily with a slight glare, "But having faith in you and trusting you are two very different things."

"And what if I had been lying?" Reno smirked, chuckling thereafter.

Tifa faltered.

With his confidence fully reinstated, Reno tilted his chin up and pulled the corner of. Now _she_ was the weak one. The weak leader in the face of her tiny rag-and-tag army. When she looked back to him, his smirk widened – now _he_ held the power in his hands. _He_ held her shining hope, and he could make it brighter or crush it in his hands.

And it felt good. He laughed.

"I could've been lying and saying those things just to hear you _admit_ to my face that you were hidin' something. You know, that Spiky is _alive_," he pulled his hand from Marlene's and stood, striding over to her with his long legs. Somewhere in the background he heard Cid mutter something vile, and he would've fixed him with a glare if he were not so preoccupied with the weakness that someone so supposedly strong-hearted was exhibiting.

And she shrunk, she _literally shrunk_ beneath his gaze, and Yuffie called, "S-step away from her!"

The ringing drowned most of Yuffie's shrill voice out, but he caught the basic message. Instead he knelt down and brushed her thick, black hair away from her ear and to the side. It was soft, even as his fingers curled in it and held it in place; and _God_, the _fear_...

"Am I still so dangerous?" he murmured by her ear.

Tifa did not move. She barely breathed.

His voice teetered on the edge of full-blown laughter, like small hiccups. He leant closer, his voice dipping into his lower register as he did stay true to his word on that one, stupid night that threw him farther off the scale than he had anticipated. And only when he finished did he feel Cid's fingers curl around his shoulders and rip him from his position before their leader.

Reno then chose to laugh, and he strode over to Cissnei and offered her both his hands, pulling her from her seated position, "You should see the outside more often than you do, yo. It'll do your memories no good if you just keep sitting inside like a caged rat."

And as they left for the deck, they all looked to Tifa expectantly. Yuffie inquired, "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he? God he's so _creepy..._"

Tifa redirected her gaze to Cid, "I know we have to run some repairs on the ship, but know that soon we must leave."

Cid fixed her with a bizarre expression before nodding.

* * *

"What did you tell her?" Cissnei finally asked later as they leant against the rails.

"My knowledge," Reno replied casually, looking out at the wide, murky ocean. He was at ease with her more than anybody else, simply because she was his to care for, "The only thing I can actually offer in this fight to see the sun again."

Cissnei made a face before gently placing her hand atop his. She noted how he did not so much as twitch or glance away from the water, "You have more to offer than you know. Don't sell yourself so short just because you're... you're..." And she had no idea how to finish the sentence.

Reno laughed.

"You don't know me, Cissnei," he said, "So don't say what I can and can't offer. Truth be told, I don't know either, yo." His eyes drifted down to the railing, and it was here that he chanced a glance at their hands, though he didn't know why she chose to touch him, "Do you remember anything new?" A 'no' sounded, "What about... the earliest memory that you have right now?"

"I remember... trying to get people out of the Golden Saucer and the prison, though I can't recall why. Then there was a big, green and blue light..." Cissnei began. She attempted to slip her fingers between Reno's, but his hand immediately clammed up so that no further space would be breached, "The next thing I remember was waking up in the prison, alone. There were two cloaked men nearby and they kept asking me where 'the others' were, but I didn't know what they were talking about. They kept returning... there's many gaps then, but then somewhere around there, you appeared."

"So you just... forgot."

It must've been the effect of Meteor, he thought, but he could not be sure. It made sense – something so horrible, something that she _had_ to do – save the people – the stress surely would've caused a lapse. And then whatever the Remnants would do would've made it worse, because they wanted to find the Turks, find _him._ He bit the inside of his mouth.

If it wasn't the stress of Meteorfall, then maybe they'd never know. But for now, Reno settled on that.

"It's not so bad," Cissnei said, her lips spreading into a smile; but the ringing in his ears spiked, and he could not really hear the rest of the sentence. Instead, he settled for watching her mouth move, trying to piece together what remained. He was successful, he thought, "I have someone who is trying to take care of me."

Well of course he would try. She was the only friend he had left – or one of two now, anyhow. Cissnei was a good woman and he would be damned if he failed the remainder of his family. Because then he truly would've done nothing good, nothing heroic, and he really would've just been that slimy survivor –

There was suddenly something warm, slightly wet and soft against his cracked lips.

Cissnei kissed him.

He jolted, almost violently. The ringing subsided_,_ and it was replaced with a voice he knew so well saying multiple things_._ The realisation hit him hard as his hands shook. When his eyes widened, when he breathed in and backed away, all he could see, all he could hear in his mind, all he could smell was _not_ her.

"Don't," Reno growled, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, trembling, "Don't _do_ that_._"

Cissnei's eyebrows furrowed. She watched him closely, unable to keep the disappointment from leaking onto her delicate features, "Surely you've noticed..."

He heard what she said, but it didn't sink in, and when he thought back on it, nothing jumped out at him. No, he hadn't noticed anything – at least, not about her, and not right now.

He fucking saw and heard and smelt Tifa, and the world was spinning and he felt physically _ill._

"You're pretty and caring and I won't leave your side; but you're like my sister," Reno finally managed, clambering to keep the iron mask on, to hide in the face of yet another stupid, _human_ challenge that he did not understand, "You were all like my family, and you're all I have left. A sister. That's all. _That's all._"

"Maybe it could... change?"

He did not answer her, because he knew that right now, while he was sick, _it never_ could.

The hope and faith in her voice made his stomach turn again.

Cissnei made a strangled sound at his slicing silence, "You saved me. Why wouldn't I just... start feeling things?"

"You can't feel," he rasped, "You're a Turk."

And neither should he.

"Then why does my chest hurt?" she asked quietly, raising a hand to rub at her eyes.

Reno attempted to apologise – _him! Apologise! -_ but nothing would leave his throat. He offered her a small and sad attempt at a smile, but it faded quickly. He wished to say to her that he wouldn't abandon her, and that he would look after her and help her through everything – he wanted to say things that he knew showed that he cared, but he couldn't bring himself to say the word itself. Maybe because he didn't know what it really meant, or he couldn't properly identify it.

Maybe it was because seeing Tifa instead of Cissnei in that instance scared the shit out of him.

He approached, swallowed, and held his arms out. If he could not speak, he would remind her that he cared for her, even if it was not in the same manner that she wished for it to be.

"We'll be alright, Cissnei. We are Turks. We are strong. We do not surrender. We look out for each other," Reno said, but he doubted his own words as he enveloped her in his grip and felt her shoulders shake and _his fucking stomach _was acting _horrendously._

He held her tightly as she fought to contain her emotions, as she battled to restrain her thoughts; and Reno thought that perhaps, _this right here_ was the cruellest thing he had ever done.

* * *

They were all about to go to sleep when Reeve rang. Cid cursed loudly, thereafter announcing from his position in the captain's chair, "I was almost a-fuckin'-sleep!"

Tifa glared at him, a silent attempt to remind him that there was a child onboard and that he should not use such language. Reno rubbed his face and watched as Marlene continued to speak to Cissnei – _away_ from him, he noticed, and that left little doubt in his mind about what the topic was about. Yuffie glanced at him and folded her arms tightly across her lithe stomach.

With the phone now on speaker, Reeve's voice rang through the room, "Sorry to call you so late."

Tifa tiredly rubbed her thumb across her forehead, "No, no it's fine. You wouldn't call without a reason."

Reno tuned out then, not interested in hearing the babbling of a man who loved his dolls. Instead, he watched Tifa, and he wondered. He wondered why he had thought of Tifa rather than Cissnei – it would've made more sense if he saw Cissnei instead. But _Tifa._ Why _Tifa?_

"There's been a bit of an incident," Reeve began, and then his voice fizzled away into nothing for the Turk.

He watched Tifa's eyes. They were intense, unbreakable even in the face of danger and death. Even in the face of his insanity. Her tongue darted out and licked her lips as she continued to listen to whatever drivel was coming out of that tiny phone.

He did not remotely care for Tifa. Why should he have seen her stupid face? He wouldn't doubt that she was attractive and an excellent fighter, but that was as far as his appraisal for the martial artist would ever go. Her heart was _rotten. Filthy. Diseased _and_ dying_ in a cage of bones.

He idly made a list of the people he cared about. Rude, for he was his rock. _Stop._

Tseng and Elena, because they were family. _Stop, Reno. Listen._

Cissnei, because she was like his sister, and he really did value her. _Stop._

Marlene, though he cannot yet understand nor say why. _STOP. LISTEN._

"Cloud's heading your way."

His head snapped up as Reeve's voice cut through his being. His cerulean eyes narrowed and his breath faded until they were soft puffs. He clenched his fists, his teeth slid over one another. And yet he knew that he should've been acting differently, perhaps with more of that sunshine hope that Tifa had recruited him for in the first place.

Cloud could not come here.

"What do you mean?!" Yuffie cried, pressing her hands together as they shook.

There was a chuckle from the other side of the line, "I may have tampered with his schedule. He was supposed to fly out to Wutai to monitor the situation there, alone – but I have reprogrammed it so that he is to go to Mideel, alone. It is the best chance I can give you to take back what is ours. It is the best I can do for our cause."

Reno noted that Tifa's eyes were watering.

Cloud could not come here.

"When does he arrive? Oh, we must prepare! We must be ready to fight him, to take him down," she looked to Yuffie hurriedly, swallowing her emotions and trying to re-establish her strength, her vain attempt at _order_, "Yuffie, you do have some sleep materia still, don't you? Or anything similar that we can use on him?"

"I still have the seal materia, which will induce sleep. I don't have as much as I used to, but I do have sleep. I'll have to go through everything and distribute it amongst everyone," she smiled a little and tapped her feet against the metal floor.

Cloud could _not_ come _here_.

Reeve sounded again, "Cloud will be there by mid-morning. Be ready then."

"Thank you," Tifa breathed.

"Be on your guard," Reeve remarked sternly, thereafter adding gently, "And please, do what it takes."

Do what it takes.

And like before, for Reno, the dial tone was most welcome. He humourlessly and quietly laughed to himself.

The look on her face made him angry. The... _hope._

Was that really hope, though? It looked... different. He can't tell.

Why did it make him angry? This was what they needed.

Why was he _feeling_ at _all?!_

She flipped the phone closed and placed it back into her pocket, thereafter jumping up from her position on the ground. She adjusted her black gloves and looked amongst them all, watching as some stood, or as others simply looked her way. Her eyes remained trained on Reno, but she spoke to the ninja, "Yuffie, get all of your materia in here. Now."

Reno closed his eyes as the world span around him, listening to the ringing bounce around his brain.


	14. they who struggle

_**xiii. they who struggle**_

* * *

"Here."

The small, green, spherical item was hurled at him. Reno caught it without needing to look and inspected the materia closely. A second one followed as he turned to look at Yuffie, "What ones are these?"

"Fire and restore. Remember, they're not yours. Now hurry up, Cloud will be here within an hour," and with that, she went about and distributed more materia amongst the members of the new... AVALANCHE. With Turk help.

As he placed them into the elctro-mag rod, he observed Tifa from the corner of his eyes. Her mouth was in a thin, firm line. She was pressing her lips together so hard that the colour had all but drained from them, and Reno found it oddly alluring. She pressed her own material – one was ice, that much he could tell, for she favoured it for many of their battles – into her arms, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling that would follow.

He began to think that perhaps he had developed an attraction to her without knowing, though for what reasons, he didn't know. He hated that she was so mothering – or maybe he liked that in her because his own Mother had been so awful. He hated that she always concerned herself in all sorts of things – or maybe he liked that because he found it so hard to care, or for someone to care about him.

And then he laughed, breaking his staring and glaring at the ground. There was silence from those around him for a still moment, at least until Cissnei returned from outside, her shuriken in hand. Her voice was uncharacteristically blank, at least nowadays, "I've warned the builders. What they do now is up to them."

The comment made Reno look up and at her, observing her with the same intensity as he had with Tifa only moments prior. Despite himself, his face broke into a grin. Her Turk qualities were still there, somewhere.

Tifa noticed the slight change and prompted, "Maybe we should tell them to hide in the airship."

"People die in a war, and it is best that it's not those who are capable of ending it," Cissnei replied curtly, observing the edges of her weapon. She then added, "Besides, there is no telling the scale of the damage that could occur in this fight. The airship may be just as dangerous as outside."

Tifa glanced at Reno, recalling the same words he had stated to her as they left Gongaga for Cactus Island. Perhaps it was not as much of a 'Reno thing' as she thought – perhaps this was the true nature of Shinra's lapdogs and their training; or maybe that was the mindsets of those they hired.

She hated that she had to be reminded of such truth, and wished that she could've seen it on her own as easily as it fell from their mouths.

Diverting the topic, she called for attention and then began to speak, "Here's the plan. We fight as best as we can, wear him down – Yuffie, you will use sleep when he's at his weakest – and then we will tie him up and bring him back here. Make sure there are no communicators going back to Sephiroth. Marlene, you are only to bring in Bahamut if you feel we're in serious trouble, otherwise you must stay hidden.

"Once he's in the Highwind, we start sailing towards the Golden Saucer's eastern border, near the waters," she raises a hand before anybody who isn't Reno can ask why, "There is something there that we need to tame and monitor so that we can work towards Sephiroth's demise. And that's as far as the plan goes for now. We need to focus on what's important."

Marlene timidly raised a hand, and once Tifa looked at her, she launched herself at the martial artist, wrapping her small arms around the woman's much larger frame, "Be careful."

She would have repeated the action to the others if it weren't for a sudden, repetitive beeping coming from the airship's radar. Cid swung his chair away from the scene and looked, "He's almost here."

* * *

They had strategically, or so Cid said, placed themselves around a clearing, which was flanked by the water. Reno disagreed with their positioning, but given the amount of time that they had to scramble into decent hiding spaces, he could offer no opinion or critique.

By the time their target hopped off a small boat, Reno felt pins and needles sweep through his hands, and he heard the ringing increase tenfold. It was not normal for the latter to rise during a 'mission', but he strained carefully to hear for any of Tifa's commands. Nearby, he could only make out her biting her lip and the clench of her glove-clad hands.

Cloud appeared to be much bigger than the image that his memories had clung to. He was more muscular, well looked after, and he carried the air of a SOLDIER operative, like the one he once claimed to be. His clothes were slightly different, with various accessories accenting the uniform, and he carried an additional sword behind him.

It was his face that surprised Reno more than anything.

It was cold, indifferent, stoic – much more so than when they had last met. It was as though there was a permanent shadow cast over his eyes. The mako irises lost much of their shine and brilliance. His facial structure was seemed different. His skin was pale. If he squinted, it was like Reno was looking at Sephiroth himself.

Perhaps Sephiroth had chosen to inject more of his cells into the puppet.

It was hard not to laugh at that, but he managed, and for that he felt oddly proud of himself.

He watched as Cloud observed the area and moved to grab his cellphone. Just as he was about to flip it open, the ground shook beneath him, cracking in some places but not in others. He grunted in annoyance, doubly so when he dropped his phone and watched it fall into the cracks, towards the Lifestream.

Reno tightened his grip on his electro-mag rod. Cid had used quake. That was the first sign.

As the aftershocks subsided and as Cloud regained his balance, grip tightening on the Buster Sword and his spare hand going to the one behind him, a great weight forced him to buckle forward. From the corner of his eye, Reno could see that Tifa was using gravity, and making it stay for as long as possible even as Cloud struggled to return to full height. That was the second sign.

And then, two shurikens suddenly struck Cloud from behind, causing him to fall to the ground. The final sign.

From their hiding places, Reno, Tifa and Cid converged on the blond. The closer they got, the more their steps slowed, until Tifa forced gravity to wear off. Cid was the first to strike, his spear slicing an arc up Cloud's left arm. The man was left with little time to defend himself as Tifa simultaneously hammered his stomach and a leg. With a mighty swing, Reno's electro-mag rod hit the man in the side.

It was as that hit collided did Cloud regain some sense, throwing his Buster Sword out in a horizontal arc. It forced Reno and Tifa back, but it had only clipped Cid on the side. As the former two approached again, one with frustration and the other with renewed hope, Yuffie and Cissnei began to chip away at Cloud with distanced, well-aimed throws.

Despite himself, Reno found that he had glanced around for Marlene, making sure she was still well away and safe. When his eyes locked with hers, he turned back and threw a line of fire directly at the enemy – or the opponent, in the very least.

Cloud manoeuvred away from the flaming wave, surprising Reno with the ease in which Cloud was defending himself. A shot of ice was thrown his way, and it sliced his arm and his sleeve open. He verbally despaired at the latter.

There were shouts up ahead as in a few strikes, all four of his comrades were knocked backwards with a twisting, spinning triple slash. Reno had seen that technique before in Zack, and was well aware that it left him unbalanced as he returned to his stance. In fact, Cloud seemed less steady on his feet than Zack had whenever that technique was used.

Before he had time to formulate an idea with that new information, Cloud was upon him within a few swift steps. Reno poured all of his concentration into blocking every slice, though some did get him. The strength behind the swings made Reno's arms buckle on occasion. The clings and clangs of metal on metal faded away into nothing, swallowed whole by the ringing in his ears.

Cloud's body suddenly surged forward. The blond glanced behind him to find Cissnei's shuriken returning to her nimble hands. The distraction, though, cost him, and before long a well-placed kick collided with the side of his temple. Before he knew it, Tifa advanced on him, and a strong punch to his jaw forced him to cry out.

As his body's momentum carried him away, Cloud swung at them all. Tifa and Reno managed to avoid it easily, but Cissnei copped the brunt of it, forcing her to the ground, clutching her side. Before Cloud could get another hit onto the wounded girl, Cid's spear dug deep into his thigh, making him lose balance again.

Reno found himself rushing over to Cissnei, and there was something stinging his throat. As his hand clasped around her upper arm roughly, he hauled her to her feet, only for Cid to use quake again and throw everyone off balance. Cloud looked as though he saw the world spinning.

"I don't know why you're even trying," Cloud began, gritting his teeth, anger surging into every part of his body, "Sephiroth will _destroy_ you."

Reno looked to Tifa, who looked as though she'd been crushed. He felt nothing. With his focus back to Cissnei, he asked if she would be okay to move on her own; but when he realised the depth of the wound, it occurred to him that she would have issues doing much other than being a sitting duck.

She still threw the shuriken anyway, and fumbled around for handgun. He heard her tell him to go back to the fray, and so he did, still inwardly pleased and amused that the resourcefulness that he knew her for remained there, buried somewhere but still accessible.

"When he spins again," Reno said hurriedly, "Shoot his grounded ankle."

She caught the shuriken when it returned in one hand and nodded to him, even as he returned to the fray with a blank expression. The closer he got to them, the more he realised that Cloud was rapidly gaining the upper hand. Yuffie was barely able to move, her slices sloppy. Any time Cid got close, Cloud would anticipate his coming stab with a horizontal swing. Tifa was keeping up, but he was stronger than her.

She was pushed several feet back with a harsh punch. Yuffie and Cid watched her body, their distraction costing them a harsh strike to the side of their heads with the flat side of Buster Sword. The weight of the collision made them drop.

Knowing that there was strength in relentless attack, Reno jumped forward before Cloud had the opportunity to breathe. He went through as many martial arts forms as he could recall, and occasionally activated fire so that it engulfed his electro-mag rod. Tifa soon joined him, throwing a punch or kick immediately after Reno, like an offbeat attack.

Just as Yuffie and Cid moved to join, Cloud released a blade beam, knocking them all back and onto the sand. Salt water soon seeped in before drawing away. Cloud looked as though he was counting in his mind, and before long, his body was thrust forward a little again – Cissnei's shuriken.

His suspicions confirmed, Cloud drew his second blade and bolted towards her with a speed and ferocity that Reno did not recognise. Before he had time to shout, though, a beast materialised between them both – Bahamut – _Marlene _– and Cloud stopped immediately, holding his ground and glaring upward.

The good news was that Marlene was still well out of sight, but he wondered how long she could keep Bahamut up for.

The beast lurched forth and brought a paw down. Cloud raised both swords and blocked, thereafter pushing him back. Bahamut growled, teeth bared, and already Reno could see his form wavering away from the bottom up. He stood to his feet, pulled up Yuffie and told her to ready her sleep materia. He then noted that Tifa and Cid were already standing, looking to him questioningly.

"We have to rush him from all sides," he said finally, running forward. They joined him.

As they approached, Bahamut flew higher and away from Cloud, roaring. Energy began to collect at his mouth, and Cloud knew what was coming. He shot a blizzard blast at him, but it didn't wound him enough to stop the attack. Before long, mega flare was released, and he had little choice but to defend himself from it, blocking with both swords.

Once the attack cleared, Bahamut was gone; but Cloud soon found himself being jumped on by four of the opponents. With a mighty growl, he heaved both swords around repeatedly in a twisting motion, knocking each and every one of the traitors far away.

It was in that instance that a loud bang and a searing pain tore through his ankle. Cloud yelled and immediately buckled, falling to one knee and glaring at the redheaded girl he had been charging towards only moments earlier.

She had shot him.

And then somewhere else, "_Now!_"

His head whipped back to where the majority of his foes were, and he saw the short girl's hand glowing, pointing directly at him. In a silent wave, something burst forth towards him, and he felt so drained, tired – _sleepy..._

Before long, the world faded out as he fell.

It took several moments before Cid darted forward and bound their friend, releasing a shuddering breath. Reno surveyed the area to find that it was relatively undamaged, save for a little structural shifting on the houses farther away. Yuffie rushed in to assist Cissnei, who had finally sat on the ground and cradled her wound. Marlene, shaken and feeble, emerged from the bushes to join, her face wet with – well, he couldn't tell from here whether it was tears or sweat.

He looked to Tifa at last, who was rubbing her eyes and still biting her lip, just as before the battle began. Her breathing was uneven and her hair was a mess. Before long, she ran to Cid, helping him drag Cloud back to the airship. Behind them, Cissnei was being helped with walking.

It took Reno a few moments to join them, dragging the Buster Sword along with him, because he would not allow for the ghosts of the past to be left behind.


	15. he who's resolute

Author's Note: I'm so sorry this has come so late, but Uni has really been piling on the work. I don't know when I will update again but thanks for sticking with me so far, it is much appreciated!

* * *

_**xiv. he who's resolute**_

* * *

The airship hummed as it was flown towards the Golden Saucer's eastern border.

Tifa remained in the operations room, monitoring her childhood friend, who was currently tied to a chair and still unconscious. The Buster Sword, and his new one lay at the opposite end of the room, as far away from him as possible. His few materia had been collected, and the cuts that they could reach had been cleaned up as best as possible. The bullet had been removed, and his wound stitched and bandaged.

She pressed her hand to her forehead, trying to get a grip. Cloud still was not on their side, and it was possible that once sleep wore off, nothing would change. Perhaps Sephiroth would notice that he was missing and come after them – but, if Reno and Cissnei had taught her anything, they _had_ to stay alive to win the war, no matter the... cost.

"He looks a lot bigger than I remember," Yuffie chimed, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. Marlene nodded vigorously in agreement, watching him carefully. Bahamut had drained a lot of her energy, but it was to be expected. She was still only a child, and they often forgot about that.

Beside Reno, Cissnei stared quietly, as though she was trying to decipher something. He pinned it down to a memory attempting to burst through the surface. She had not formally met Cloud before, but she had been sent on many missions to save the pair, and therefore his general appearance would've been familiar.

A grumble sounded. All four froze and watch as Cloud came to. He lifted his head slowly, thereafter blinking rapidly to clear his vision. When he realised that he was no longer on the sand and looked down upon by the sky and that he was bound, he growled angrily and pulled on the ropes.

"You can pull as much as you like," Cissnei stated, "but you're not getting out."

Cloud glared at her before focusing his attention on Tifa thereafter. She approached him slowly, hands behind her back and her hair a slight mess. She released her bottom lip after one last, vicious tug between her teeth and exhaled, "Cloud, do you remember... who we are?"

_The weakness_ in her voice that came through made Reno's toes curl with delight.

Cloud's eyes narrowed, and with a growl, he spoke, "I know who you are. You're enemies of Sephiroth and the world he's trying to build. I don't know _how_ you bested me, but rest assured, once I manage to worm my way out..."

Cissnei promptly rubbed her temples, turned away and left the room, muttering something. Reno listened to her footsteps and only redirected his gaze from Tifa to the man tied to the chair once he was sure he could hear decently. He addressed Cloud, who looked to him and seemingly recognised him as one to be captured, "You're not getting out, Spiky. Too much rests on you. Besides, yo, Cissnei does _the best_ knots."

"Cloud," Marlene suddenly sounded, wringing her hands in an uncharacteristic display of nervousness, "Why don't you remember us?"

He didn't respond and instead chose to laugh. For some reason that irked the redhead, and it was not because it hurt the child's feelings.

Reno looked to Tifa, who was looking at Cloud with an odd expression. It appeared to be both thoughtful but despairing, and it was an unsettling mix coming from someone who was so supposedly strong. He soon looked at the new stitches on the sleeve of his jacket and ran a thumb over them – she had sewn it up for him, and the other side to match because she knew of his fickle nature – and when he looked back up, Tifa was watching him closely.

He supposed that she still cared about him enough, given the sewing. It made him look to the door, hoping to escape the uncomfortable tension.

"Reno," Tifa began, her voice wavering as he looked to her again, albeit blankly, "You were trained in interrogation, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then fix him," she breathed, and he could see trust in her eyes, "Do what it takes."

He visibly stilled. When he came back to himself, Tifa was staring at him expectantly and with a bit of kindness in her eyes. Yuffie's expression was strange, as though she was unsure of Tifa's decision. Marlene, though, for once, did not understand. She was clearly confused as she glanced amongst them all, but she mainly kept her focus on the Turk.

With a nod, he watched as they filed out. He called Marlene for a moment, causing her to still between Tifa and Yuffie at the door, and then said firmly, "Don't hate me."

When the door was closed behind them, a familiar, cold feeling washed over Reno. The ringing was present, though not as strong. He was not shaking. He felt... calmer than he had been on this whole journey so far. Calmer than he'd been since his friends were murdered. He wasn't sure why, but he was thankful, at least, that he had something to focus on.

With a large step and turn, he was soon in front of Cloud, who did not shy away. As he circled the man, he began some idle chatter, "You looked like you recognised me, at least."

"You're the one he wants," Cloud replied, a slight bite in his voice, "You have something important."

It sounded as though he didn't know what, but Reno didn't press, "Well he ain't getting it. I wonder how much you _really_ remember though... or if all you remember are facts and figures that Sephiroth's presented to you, yo. Go on, I'm curious. Tell me who we are."

Cloud responded, and it was exactly as Reno had expected. Names. Birthplaces. Alliances. Crimes. But nothing that suggested an inkling of previous knowledge – personal to AVALANCHE, and as an opponent in regards to him. It amused him, doubly so when he poked and prodded Cloud for more information, but was met with the same stuff.

"You _know_ there's more back there, you're just not saying it. You're just spitting out the same _garbage._"

Cloud bared his teeth. Reno returned the motion and ignored the thrill that surged through his body.

He crossed the room and picked up the Buster Sword, not at all surprised by its weight, but almost offended – on behalf of Angeal, of course – at the sorry state it was in. He stood before Cloud and gestured to it, "Tell me how you got this."

"It was gifted to me by Sephiroth," Cloud replied calmly, "For a job well done."

He was surprised by how offended he then _really _felt. He clenched his teeth and raised a hand, dragging his nails down the side of his face in an attempt to keep himself focused on his job, "Wrong. This was passed on to you by someone else who was dear to you. It was a promise that you're so far failing to maintain."

Cloud laughed at him. He twitched.

"This was passed on to you by first class SOLDIER Zack Fair, who died defending you and what he believed in," he said, pressing the flat of the weapon against Cloud's injured ankle. If he reacted or not, the Turk didn't notice, "If I recall correctly, you basically swore that you'd be his living legacy. And let me tell you something, this is a legacy that even _he'd_ be ashamed of."

"I don't know anyone by that name," Cloud stated monotonously. His expression was neutral.

Reno dropped the Buster Sword, watching it drop against the ankle and on Cloud's boot. He hissed. Reno grinned at the reaction, listening carefully to the echoes of the metal.

He then laughed, eyes crinkling, "You amuse me."

A spike in the ringing in his ears.

He then lurched forward, grabbing Cloud by the jaw, nails digging into his skin, "It's _not yours._"

He watched as Cloud's teeth pressed together.

"Neither is the life you're living."

Because Zack was worth _so much more_ than Cloud.

Cloud managed to manoeuvre his head enough to bite Reno's index finger. He withdrew his hand, ignored the pain and simply shook it off – and as the pain subsided, he noted that the trembling sensation was returning. It seemed the more frustrated and angered he became, the more those insane signs would return.

In retaliation, Reno kicked the side of Cloud's leg. The impact was strong enough to shift the chair at an angle closer towards the table. He then slammed his hands down on both of Cloud's shoulders.

"Honour. Dreams. Apparently you remember fuck all about it."

Drawing away from Cloud, he strolled to the other side of the room and picked up his beloved electro-mag rod. He observed the scratches in the metal and listened for any sign of movement or acknowledgement from the man who was tied up. When there was nothing, he turned around and chuckled.

"That man died to save you and protect what you'd both been taught. He fought against Sephiroth. So did you. In fact, you almost killed him. It's kinda scary that you don't _remember_."

Cloud made a noise of frustration. From his position across the room, Reno could see him fidgeting, trying to remove his hands from the ropes. But the Turk knew full well that he wouldn't get out, no matter how strong he was. Cissnei's knots were special, and the fact that she remembered how to do it pleased him.

He approached, tapping the electro-mag rod across his shoulders and continued, "He's killed so many people, Cloud. People that you were trying to help. People who didn't agree with you and your ideas, but hated him enough to assist... People _you loved._"

Cloud stilled at that, and if Reno squinted hard enough, he was sure that he could see a pink dress cross through the man's mind. It was only solidified when it looked as though Cloud was about to say her name. In the very least he saw him mouth 'a'.

But then Cloud was... 'normal' again. Cold.

"I don't know what Sephiroth has told you, but it's certainly not right. Here's an idea. Tell me her _name_."

"I don't know."

He twitched again, and in response, stomped on Cloud's foot, knowing that the pain would travel through to his wounded ankle. He pressed the electro-mag rod deep into Cloud's sternum, "Now _I know_ that's a lie."

Cloud regarded him for a moment with a calmer demeanour, with a lowered mask, a lowered wall, "Long... brown hair. And a bright smile."

He pressed harder, and it only seemed to reinstate the 'normal' Cloud again, "Keep going."

"I don't know," Cloud responded automatically. It was almost as though he were a machine.

With a mighty swing, the electro-mag rod slammed into Cloud's jaw and forced his head up and backward. He shouted, but whether it was from surprise or pain, Reno couldn't tell. He rubbed at one of his ears, trying to clear his hearing a little, "You just described stuff to me, so I'm pretty sure you do know. Don't fucking lie to me."

Before Cloud had the chance to respond, Reno hit him again, this time at the junction of his neck and shoulder. He watched with a sense of glee as his teeth clenched and, as though he were on autopilot, his hand darted up and grabbed Cloud's throat. His fingers twitched.

Reno chose a different approach this time, grinning, "Nibelheim explosion. Bang bang."

His pupils shifted for a split moment, but it was enough for him to grind out, "Fire."

"A sword through your stomach."

Cloud convulsed at that, but Reno was unsure if he was remembering the incident in the Nibelheim Reactor, or Aerith.

"What about your comatose state? Or the times we fought each other, because we didn't know any better?" he murmured.

A heightened sense of reality or knowledge seemed to grip Cloud thereafter. He struggled in the chair with renewed vigour and hissed, "Why do you cling so strongly to your Turk ideals? They are dead. _You_ are dead."

Inside, Reno froze. Faces drifted through his mind.

Because... it was all that was left of him.

"You are a puppet just as much as I had been," Cloud retorted, his voice wavering.

Reno did not pick up on the revealed knowledge, for he was much too consumed by what had been said prior. It struck him deeper than he cared to acknowledge. Instead, he kicked the chair down so that Cloud was flat on his back, and moved so that he had one foot on the legs of it, looking down on him. He struck him in the side with the rod, ignoring how it shook in his grip, "I am _no one's_ fucking puppet, _clone._"

He grabbed his hair and forced the man to look at him in the eye. Cloud bared his teeth again, though it was not as enthusiastic as before.

It came out before he knew what he was saying, and he pressed the electro-mag rod against his victim's throat, "I don't know what she sees in you. You're a failure. You didn't even make SOLDIER, I heard."

Cloud's eyes scrunched shut. Reno did not relent, instead watching and shaking.

"You don't belong with that silver-haired freak. I don't think you even belong _here_ with AVALANCHE. But let me tell you something, you moron. This is not who you are. This is not who you were trained to be. This is not even the fucking persona you stole. This is _pathetic._"

Cloud's demeanour continued to crumble and he couldn't understand why. Words were falling from his mouth, and he didn't know where they were coming from, "Embrace your dreams."

Reno's ears continued to ring, gradually climbing higher, even as Cloud's eyes opened and stared into nothingness. And although Reno knew that it was Cloud looking up at him, he swore that his voice had changed; and he knew it was a trick of his own mind, but he couldn't help it anyway.

"And, whatever happens, protect your honour as SOLDIER."

"You are _not_ Zack!" he finally screamed, slamming the blond's head down against the ground.

All semblance of control was shattered.

At the same time, the past burst through.

"Shot to death," Cloud choked, even as the electro-mag rod struck him again and again; and he had no strength, energy or will to try and turn away, "Zack was shot to death, defending _me; _thousands of infantrymen... right outside Midgar. Barret... Vincent, Red XIII, Cait Sith, Sephiroth killed them."

Reno momentarily stilled, his eyes meeting Cloud's, "Us... The church..."

When the Turk realised that his eyes were wet again, he cursed his lack of composure, his weakness, his insanity, the guilt he still felt and everything he could not cope with. His teeth viciously tugged at his lower lip, rose to his full height and kicked Cloud in the side.

"And Aerith... I c-couldn't..."

"Why do _you_ always have to be the hero?" Reno hissed, dropping the electro-mag rod from his white, trembling fingers, even as Cloud continued sobbing her name like a mantra.

The deed was done – but at what cost?

He had no idea that Tifa was standing at the door for the last minute, not until at least he turned to leave, rubbed his eyes against his one of his stitched-up sleeves and refused to be visited by anyone for a few hours.


	16. those who're calmed

Author's Note: Before you read this one, please make sure you have read the chapter beforehand. When I uploaded it, FFN did not send out notifications to anybody... so if you've not read it, please do. Anyway, I'm finally on Uni break. Literally wrote this while an animation was (and still is) rendering. Hopefully I will be able to write this more often again. Thank you for sticking around!

* * *

_**xv. those who're calmed**_

* * *

"I want you to tell me who you are," Tifa said softly, slowly cleaning Cloud's wounds.

He gave a small mumble of acknowledgement, but was not willing to divulge any further information, out of shame and self-hate. How could he let himself be willingly pulled into Sephiroth's bleak, black world?

Instead, she tried a different approach, looking over the mark on his jaw from Reno's electro-mag rod. She did not appreciate that the strongest asset AVALANCHE had was so beat up, but she did tell him to do what it takes; and that's what you do in a war. Whatever it takes, "I want you to tell me what you told me back in Nibelheim, when we sat beneath the stars."

His voice was low, hushed and slow, but he recited it perfectly, as though nothing had changed. For a few moments, there was silence and no movement, until he chose to look down at his feet.

"It's really you... You're really back," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly towards the end. She reached for him and held him close, ignoring how his shoulders stiffened and how her hands trembled against his back, "I thought we lost you for good."

Reno had calmed down since yesterday, but he found it difficult to look at the blond. He still saw and heard Zack, who should've been there instead of dead. He instead chose to fiddle with his hands, even as Marlene would on occasion grab them and pry them apart. His nervous habits seemed to put her on edge, and it was not something he could willingly control.

Cissnei had noted his shift in demeanour and chose to remain right by his side since the event. She found him, alone and forcing himself to keep a straight face. Whatever had happened, she did not press, but instead sat beside him and hoped that her presence would calm him a little. After all, they were... family.

Cid and Yuffie, after watching Cloud for several, long moments, soon crossed the room to talk to Reno. The former thanked him for his efforts in a low, hushed tone, and thereafter grumbled in frustration for being unable to light the half-chewed cigarette dangling from his grim mouth.

Yuffie then pressed, "What did it? What got him to remember?"

Reno's tone was monotonous, and his face was blank as he stared ahead at the Highwind's controls, "Aerith."

She folded her arms and nodded, her voice losing much of the weight it had carried prior to Cloud's return to their side, "Should've known."

The air felt awkward, he deduced, because people were uncertain. Where should they go now? What should they do? What if Cloud was only temporarily back, and then turned on them once more? It even felt as though Cid and Yuffie felt conflicted on the Turk himself, as though they were still unsure whether to trust him or not.

Trust was something he unconditionally had with the Turks, and it was something that was not given freely to anyone else. Trust was something he only seemed to give to his past, because it was clear, and he knew what had happened, unlike the potentials of the future.

Shuffling to the far left of the room got his attention. Snapping up from his internal stupor, he looked to find that Cloud was now standing, and Tifa, the sweet – _sweet?_ – thing, was holding an arm over his shoulders. Cloud seemed to murmur something to her, and soon enough he managed his own way to the centre of the room.

Several quiet moments passed before a loud inhalation sounded, followed by quiet speech, "I'm sorry that this happened."

Yuffie's bright voice burst through, and in a few short steps, she was closer to the blond, almost an arm's reach away, "It wasn't your fault. We don't know everything, but you couldn't control yourself. _Sephiroth_ controlled you. None of this is your fault, and it won't ever be."

"What's important is that you're back now," Cid chimed, rough and ready, fingers digging into his forearms, "Your strength is gonna be the turning point in this whole thing!"

But Cloud shook his head, eyes slightly downcast; but his voice became stronger, "No, it's not. But what I know will."

His eyes shifted to Reno, and for a moment, their eyes locked, blue on blue, broken on broken. It was the Turk who looked away first, back at his hands. He resisted the urge to fidget again, or laugh; the entire situation felt much direr, even achievable now that Cloud was well and truly back.

That didn't make anything any easier. Not his sickness, not the situation, and not his worries.

"Reno, _why_ is he after you? What knowledge do you have that he wants so much?" Cloud breathed finally, approaching him. He swatted Tifa away, determined to walk on his own, but she still followed alongside Yuffie. He noted with intrigue as Marlene huddled closer to the skinny man, and he did not even know who the other woman beside him was.

His secret, his only secret, he didn't want to let it go. But he already had, at one stage, only for his heroic ideals to be ripped apart before his very eyes, simply because the man lived.

When he looked to Cissnei, trying to find support in a face that did not remember their history, he felt his resolve loosen. When he looked to Marlene, her face so curious, even of things she did not understand, he felt his mouth slip open once again; only everyone surrounded him instead of just Tifa, "I know where the remaining WEAPONs are."

Both Cid and Yuffie made a strangled, surprised noise. Cissnei was silent, but he knew that she was trying to remember who or what a WEAPON was. Cloud was unreadable. Marlene, judging by the way her eyebrows furrowed, didn't quite understand. The pieces weren't quite fitting, and so she asked, "A WEAPON is... a monster?"

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, "They're kinda like guardians of the Planet. Weren't you in Midgar when one of 'em appeared, yo?"

She squashed her lips in thought, before shaking her head, as though to clear her thoughts, "I don't know, I can't remember anything... But they don't like Sephiroth? They would help us?" He nodded slightly, eyes trailing back to Cloud.

Everyone remained quiet for a while, but Cloud spoke again, affirming the information to himself with a nod, "Then he has every right to be as paranoid as he has become. We need to work out a way to get him to them, away from people. They should be able to do most of the rest. Thank you," a pause; then, "His plans haven't changed. He still wants to sail the cosmos with this Planet as his vessel, just as Jenova did.

"We had been instructed to not allow anyone to interfere with the Mako Reactors, wherever they may be. He wants to continue mining the Lifestream, improving it, and add more people's souls into it. Every so often, we were told to kill a certain number of people... to... make the Lifestream stronger. It is to act almost like fuel. We the Remnants were to be his army.

"He believes it to be easier now, because we're not in the way, and no one else is game enough to challenge him. He let you all live and then intended to pick you off one by one as an experiment of sorts. He wanted... to see if by waiting, that perhaps those who were strong would feed more energy into the Lifestream, or if time somehow affected it," the corner of his lips quirked upward, "But he hasn't gotten any of us yet. We can still do this, especially now that we know what we can use, and what needs to be done."

Around him, Reno felt their hope rise. He, though, felt something he didn't quite know how to define.

So as he watched Tifa hug Cloud, only to be awkwardly patted on the head... As he watched Yuffie and Cid high five, with the former shaking her hand to rid herself of the pain thereafter... As Cissnei hummed quietly and Marlene dove into her lap excitedly... He began to think.

Cloud displayed leadership, right then and there. He was still shaking in his boots, still mulling over what had happened to him and everyone else in the last two years; but despite that, he still took everything he knew, told everyone what needed to be done, and took charge. True leadership, almost like Zack.

Cloud wasn't just brave, he was selfless. Reno was brave, but selfish. Cloud wasn't just a soldier, he was a leader. Reno was a soldier, but he could never lead. Cloud wasn't just a good person, he really was a hero. And Reno was... nothing.

He frowned a little at the discovery and the notion, but he realised if anything was to be done, he would have to accept it. He would never be the hero. He would always only ever be... _the survivor_.

* * *

When Cloud approached him again, they were a few hours away from land. He sat beside him and drew his knees to his chest, "Thank you for doing what you did. It was certainly... efficient."

Reno made a non-committal noise, too busy cleaning his boots. As time dragged on, he was asked where the WEAPONs were, and so he told him. One was hiding deep beneath the sand near the Golden Saucer. The other was in the depths of the ocean. The final one lingered near Junon, and that surprised Cloud.

"Junon has been practically emptied out aside from supplies for his empire," he said, turning his head to look at him, "The canon you saw in passing was a successor to the one moved to Midgar, the Sister Ray II. The WEAPON should've picked up the increased, hostile activity..." He exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair, "Maybe something's wrong with it."

"Your precious Planet ain't cryin' anymore, Spiky," Reno huffed, wetting his thumb again, "Its voice has long been silenced. The WEAPONs are blind."

His comment seemed to spark quick moving thoughts. He then looked out to the other side of the room, staring at the metal door as they sat together on the ground. Cloud spoke up, his voice still rather hushed, "You're right. It's quiet. We failed with the opportunity Aerith provided us, and now she cannot make it sing."

Reno pressed his lips together. He didn't know what to say, nor wished to say anything. But soon enough, Cloud started speaking again, as though he needed to get things off his chest, unjudged and alone.

"I loved Aerith. I just... wish I had not been so stupid. She made me smile so much. She was very smart, and selfless, even if she didn't always know when to apply it. It feels like that in failing the Planet, I failed her most of all."

The last part struck him, for he could completely relate it to Rude, to Tseng and Elena. He released a long, slow exhale and turned his head to look at the blond, his head firmly resting against the cold, firm metal, "Sometimes you gotta bash your head against the wall a couple of times before you come up with a new idea, or before it gives."

His eyebrow quirked northward, "That's... certainly an unorthodox way of thinking of things."

"Turks were taught to think differently, yo," Reno replied, smirking almost darkly, "I'm all about the unorthodox."

"That woman with the red hair, is she a Turk too?" Cloud asked, "I've not met her before."

And so Reno told him about Cissnei, her faults, her strengths, and how she remembered none of them. He mentioned Zack, and he didn't miss the flinch. He told her about how... he _felt responsible_ for her, like he has to protect her and help her. How he felt that she was all he has left, and that he must still honour the Turks, even if it was only in helping her.

"Do you care about her?"

"Do you care about Tifa?"

The air froze, for the hidden answers were obvious.

Cloud could never feel the intensity of the love he felt for Aerith for Tifa. And Reno, well... for as long as he was volatile, he would never see Cissnei as he saw Tifa, even if he didn't understand _why_ he saw the martial artist in such a light. Reno vaguely wondered if there was a term for this, like a stalemate, but not quite.

"Have you got any ideas on how to get the WEAPONs?" Cloud pressed.

He smirked, "Nope. I just know where they are. You have to figure out the rest."

Cloud nodded a little before standing. Reno did not watch him leave and instead relished in the silence he rarely experienced.


	17. he who changes

Author's Note: Hey all! Sorry for the delay, been busy. Been doing work for a small company, met my favourite celebrity, surprisingly haven't had a headache/migraine for a month, been stalking the internet for updates on some TV shows, etc... How're you all? Have a chapter :)

* * *

_**xvi. he who changes**_

* * *

Travel back to the Golden Saucer's coast was slow.

Sephiroth's Remnants were constantly on patrol, searching for Cloud, and for them. The fact that Cloud had not returned presumably concerned him, given that out of everyone on this world, he was the only one who could truly destroy him.

Cissnei found a delight in that fact, something that Reno found curious. She was a part of a war that she didn't understand, and yet she was _happy_ and even _amused_ that Sephiroth was showing signs of panic. She was in mid-conversation with Yuffie, who had asked her why she was responding that way. She replied, "It shows we're on the right path."

"Tactless, if you asked me," Cid called from the pilot's seat, "And stupid of him. Maybe he's not the one sending them. Maybe they're just doing it automatically because they think that they should."

That sounded more like it, to Reno. He knew Sephiroth wasn't that afraid, or that concerned. The loss of Cloud would've been a setback, and he might've investigated for a moment, but he wouldn't risk any other Remnants. Not when he was so close to what he wanted.

The ringing, absent for most of the time, gradually returned as he looked amongst the members of AVALANCHE. They weren't as cautious or angry as they once had been. It seemed by proving his loyalty to the cause and bringing Cloud back to them, all former suspicions were lifted. That he really did mean to try and help, despite his Turk origins.

For some reason, it bothered him.

But he wasn't changing _sides,_ he reasoned; he was always doing what he believed was right in the moment. And at the moment, staying alive and getting rid of Sephiroth was the right thing to do. And besides, factions could have alliances – he wasn't a _part_ of AVALANCHE, but rather an ally, and still a Turk.

Cissnei suddenly nudged him. When he looked up, she spoke, "I remember wings."

He fell back into old habits and laughed, "Wings? Wherever from? Whatever for?"

"I remember a man talking about wings to me. About how they symbolised freedom, and how he had wanted them. But that's all that comes to mind. Still, a small thing is better than nothing, right?"

Cloud watched quietly from the opposite end of the room.

Reno spoke, "Not all wings symbolise freedom. Sephiroth's got a wing, yo. And we're certainly not 'free' under him. It's not angelic, or happy, or pure. It's just there, stopping anybody's ability to escape, because he can always catch us. If there's something you need to remember about the world, Cissnei, it's that everything is good _and_ bad. It depends on what people do."

Cissnei nodded a little, partially understanding, but more or less focused on the fact that she remembered something. She then moved to join Tifa, who had called her and Marlene over. He watched, partially amused and partially annoyed, as Tifa grabbed Cloud's wrist and pulled him over as well.

Deciding to ignore what was happening around him, he stood and sauntered over to Cid, who was chewing on the end of his unlit cigarette and staring straight ahead of himself. He inquired, "You don't happen to have a spare cig, do you?"

"Fresh out. This is the last one. That's why it's not lit."

He sighed and instead focused on what was ahead of him – an endless amount of blue, with something on the horizon. He assumed it was land.

Something was flashing from the corner of his eye. As Cid continued to drive, Reno glanced downward and found that the Highwind's radar was picking up something. Two, small red dots continued to flash without so much as a beep. He furrowed his eyebrows and leant down, pressing his ear to the speaker only to find that there was still no sound. He assumed it was broken.

Cid, who saw the odd behaviour from the corner of his eye, glanced down and noted the two dots. He then looked back to what was ahead of him, noticing two, black figures approaching, "All this time I thought the radar was shoddy, and yet there we are. We have trouble ahead, everyone. Two Remnants, dead ahead."

Tifa crossed the room with quick strides and squinted. She thereafter slammed a fist onto the console, cursed loudly despite Marlene's presence, and looked to Yuffie, "Get everyone some materia, quickly. I want everyone except Cid and Marlene on the deck!"

Marlene protested, though everyone barring Reno ignored her. Instead, whilst everyone else was buzzing about, he approached, placed both his hands on her shoulders and said, "You're safer in here..." Her face twisted into one of annoyance, "And besides, someone's gotta look after that old man."

"I'm right here, you son of a bitch," Cid hissed.

He ignored him, "No matter what happens, he needs to keep driving, do you understand?"

She swallowed and nodded, watching as Reno stood, turned and followed the others out.

* * *

By the time they were all equipped and ready to fight, Reno could really see the land mass behind the two. If he squinted, he could almost make out the Remnants' faces – when he glanced at Cissnei, who's face hardened in determination, it was confirmed in his mind.

"Yazoo and Loz," Cloud said, "There is only one Remnant higher up than them."

"And where were _you_ placed in Sephiroth's little hierarchy of insanity?" Yuffie inquired, but she was not given an answer. When she looked ahead again, she realised why, and she tightened her grip on her shuriken.

Yazoo and Loz had landed at the very end of the deck. The former straightened up and pulled some of his long hair away, inspecting the rag and tag crew. His eyes widened when they settled on Cloud, "Look, Loz. It's our brother. Let's help him get out of AVALANCHE's clutches."

Cloud tightened his grip on the Buster Sword and took a tiny step forward, "I'm here by choice. I'm done with you, and I'm done being Sephiroth's puppet. _This_ is where I belong."

Loz tilted his head, not understanding. He approached, still off guard and still wanting to try and bring Cloud back to the winning team, "But they are the enemy. _They_ are the bad people, brother. They just want to take everything away from you."

"Didn't you ever wonder why they didn't come back for you, after that battle?" Yazoo asked. Both chuckled thereafter when they saw a flicker of doubt cross his mako-enhanced eyes, and as his grip on the Buster Sword slackened.

Though, that was only for a moment. He spoke again, "That doesn't matter anymore."

Before either of them had the chance to worm their way under Cloud's skin again, Tifa fired a blizzard shot. It hit Loz straight in the face.

Cissnei and Yuffie charged ahead, ready to throw and jump around the pair; but before anything could happen, Yazoo shot at them both, throwing them off steady footing. Reno couldn't tell if the bullets had hit, but it gave Loz enough time to equip his weapon and dart forth with alarming speed.

In fact, he barely had time to block. The sound of metal on metal rung through his ears, and he thought he could taste blood in his mouth from biting his tongue.

He swerved to the left side and slammed his knee into Loz's form, the impact of which sent him straight into the waiting Buster Sword. With a mighty swing, Cloud heaved Loz into the air, slicing up straight up the side. On the other end was a waiting Tifa, who cast ultima on him.

Yazoo hissed, having spotted Tifa before Loz got there; but he couldn't do anything about it, for the ninja and the amnesic Turk were upon him. He had always been at a disadvantage in close quarter combat, but still he managed, using the sharp side of his gun to block strikes and deliver blows.

As Reno jumped between both battles, he began to think... Exactly _how_ were they going to kill them?

If they were Remnants of Sephiroth, an extension of him... They'd be hard to kill. Could they even be killed, or would they just go back to Sephiroth and restore some of his strength?

An electrified punch to the cheek send Reno to the floor. The electro-mag rod rolled away from him, pressing up against the front of the airship's cockpit. He attempted to focus again and force his body to work, to stand and rejoin the fight despite the ache and the twitches in his body – but his mind fought against him.

He was hearing things again, about how useless he was, and about how this entire plan was doomed to fail. How that even now with Cloud, there wasn't enough strength to take down Sephiroth, save the world and end the heartache, anger and chaos that had followed since he took over.

He felt the vibrations in the floor grow louder with heavy footsteps – he assumed it was Loz approaching to finish the job, given that he was practically immobile at the moment. His suspicions were confirmed when his form began to appear in his vision. He attempted to rise again, but Reno found he could do nothing, not even reach for his electro-mag rod.

There was a heavy thud, a black boot in his face, and then the rush of wind passing him. He managed to turn a little to find that Tifa had come to his aid and was standing before him, fists at the ready, and _daring_ either one of them to come near him. When Yazoo tried, Cissnei had appeared from behind him and dug her shuriken into his back, withdrawing it thereafter to stand to the Remnant's left.

He began to laugh. He couldn't help it.

He tried to concentrate on the fight around him, but before he knew what was going on, the vibrations slowed, and his eyesight failed him. All he had left was sound – most of which was taken over by the hum of the Highwind and his own laughter. If he strained, he could hear the huffs and grunts of the battle, perhaps metal on metal – but they were distant. He eventually laughed himself into unconsciousness.

* * *

Reno woke when someone touched him – and as usual, he followed his Turk instincts and moved to strike the individual. His fist did not get very far, however, when he realised that he was able to move again. It stopped before it could even cross his body, and when he followed his line of sight, he found that it had been Tifa who had tried to shake him awake.

"Are you alright?" she asked, concerned and forcing him back down. She stroked his forehead, and it made him laugh again. Tifa smiled a little, "I guess that means 'yes'. It was a nasty electrical charge in that particular strike. Could've fried you, but you're stronger than that. Marlene was worried – she nearly ran out on her own, but I guess something stopped her."

"What happened?" he queried, sitting up a little. He noticed that there was no one else in the area, and that the ship wasn't moving. They'd landed.

She smiled, pushing him back down gently again, and resumed stroking his forehead gently, like a Mother would – or like he assumed one would, "It wasn't as bad as we thought. I guess we've all found that little something to fight for again, sun or otherwise. They're dead. They're actually dead, stopped breathing and vanished into the Lifestream and everything... But I bet now Sephiroth is definitely keeping his eyes open."

"And we're –"

"Yes, we've parked. We're hiding in a forest, but we're very close to the ocean, and the desert. We will rest tonight – you need it in particular, but Yuffie has got a really deep wound going up her leg, and it needs to rest as well," she looked up and at the metal wall across from them, "From there we should be able to go get two of the three WEAPONs, though I don't know how we're going to do it... Do you know anything about that?"

He shook his head, "No. We'll work something out. They need to detect the threat."

She nodded and moved to stand, her hand sliding away, "I'm glad you're okay, Reno."

He caught it before it went too far, "Thanks for protecting me."

She quirked an eyebrow and smiled a little, "A thank you? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're changing."

He said nothing, released her hand and watched her go. He was much too tired to protest.


End file.
